Rome
How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

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How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

At this, enter Vorenus, who's had enough eavesdropping. "Antony needs every man. We rendezvous at the house of Atia," he tells Pullo. He then gives Niobe his wee bag of money, and promises to give her more when he sells the slaves. He tells her to stay inside with the girls until she knows it's safe. Beat. "It saddens me that you are unhappy," he tells her. "Because I have a deep affection for you. When I return, we will talk." Aw. Maybe these two kids will make it work.

Julii's. Marc Antony dines with Octavia and Julii, the latter of whom tells the morose-looking Octavia to look alive: "Talk to the poor man. Ask him questions." To Marc Antony, Julii adds, "One would think she'd been raised by Germans." "General Antony, does my mother's screaming irritate you?" Octavia asks pertly. The good general doesn't follow. "When you and my mother are in coitus, there is a deal of screaming," Octavia says. Marc Antony hides a smile behind his wine glass. Octavian looks appalled. Julii just looks mildly amused. "I find it extremely irritating," Octavia adds. "I wonder whether you did also. Or perhaps you like it. A testament to your skills." Julii sighs. "So spiteful. And for what? You shame only yourself," she says. Octavia responds to this by pulling a When Harry Met Sally and faking an orgasm. She then nonchalantly pops a grape in her mouth. "She has you exact," Marc Antony grins. Julii just rolls her eyes.

The gritty streets of Rome. The rowdy Pompeians are being warned that Antony must not be touched. No one must be harmed! Anyone who starts trouble "will be on a cross by nightfall." Well, if that doesn't keep you in line, there's just no keeping you in line at all, as far as I am concerned.

Marc Antony and his band of merry men walk through the streets. Conveniently, Pullo has wrapped a red scarf around the hole in the back of his head and he's right at the front of the pack, right next to Marc Antony, all of which makes him very easy to identify. As they head toward the Senate house, Pullo sees Crazy Hair in the crowd, and Crazy Hair likewise sees him. Crazy Hair goes right at Pullo with a knife. As Vorenus pulls Marc Antony to safety, Pullo slits Crazy Hair's throat. And then, gentle readers, we have a melee as everyone starts yelling, and draws his weapon. Marc Antony has his sword out and starts backing away. "Rally to me," he tells his troops calmly. "Rally to me."

Pompey comes out onto the steps of the Senate house just in time to see the bloodshed. "NO BLOOD!" he yells, a bit too late. "NO BLOOD!" Well, your little plan went swimmingly, didn't it? Way to go. And the stabbing continues. Vorenus suffers a wound, but is dragged off by one of his own men. Pompey sweeps back into the Senate and tells Cato bitterly that now he's getting what wants: "Come spring, [Caesar] will cross the Alps and his legions will march on Rome." Cato's man-boob sags.

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Rome

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