Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

House and Cuddy are suddenly in Stacy's office. That's right -- Stacy has a freaking office. I'd rather see Cameron have her own office before Stacy the Temporarily-Employed Lawyer of Suck got one. They're fighting over whether Alfie's hand should be chopped off. House wants it gone; Cuddy doesn't. House doesn't see how this is even a legal issue. Cuddy explains that, since Sela Ward is an important addition to the cast, all efforts must be made to include her in medical storylines even though her character is a lawyer and they never needed to spend more than a few minutes with lawyers in the first season, and those lawyers went to Cuddy's office, not vice versa. "Are you being intentionally dense?" Cuddy barks at House, who answers with an awesome "Huh?" Cuddy tells Stacy she thinks the hand removal is premature. Stacy says she's heard enough, and now House is outraged that Stacy is taking Cuddy's side after hearing from her for only three seconds. "Shut up," Stacy says, surprised at herself for being so bold. Oh, wait -- her eyebrows tricked me again! And now I'm surprised, because Stacy says she isn't siding with anyone. She points out that having two doctors in disagreement like this doesn't look good for Stacy's client -- the hospital. She orders them to come back to her once they've reached a mutual decision. But...wasn't the whole reason they came to her office in the first place that they couldn't agree on it and wanted to see what the legal course of action was? Stacy's job sure is easy.

Out in the hall, Cuddy takes a lesson from Cameron and screams that all of Alfie's problems have been caused by their giving him the wrong medicine. It really might have been a better idea if they had stayed in Stacy's office, where the interested public didn't have to hear about patients dying from doctor's mistakes. Cuddy says that Alfie's hand still has a pulse, so it's not dead yet. House says that the hand, pulse or no, is a cesspool that will only spread to the rest of Alfie's body if it isn't removed as soon as possible. Cuddy splutters that House is being "aggressive" about "destroying a man's livelihood." House says he's being aggressive about saving a man's life. Cuddy says that if Alfie loses his hand, he will also lose his jobs -- all of fifty thousand of them! "He's not like us!" she says. House wheels around and asks if Cuddy's saying that cripples can't work. Whoops! Cuddy chooses not to take on that Elephant in the Room and just says that Alfie and his family will lose their home and Manny will have to work and sadness and despair! Although, honestly, underage employment wouldn't even be an option if people like Cuddy weren't hiring fourteen-year-olds, which was Alfredo's age when he started working for her. Shame on you, Cuddy. House says that there's nothing medical about Cuddy's argument, and that she's lost perspective as a doctor: "You want to make things right? Too bad, nothing's ever right!" I think perspective can best be achieved by just looking at Alfie's hand. That is unsalvageable, right there.

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