House
Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

House, followed by a resigned-looking Cuddy, enters Alfie's room and asks him where he works on Saturday nights. Alfie doesn't answer, because he's sleeping off his recent surgery. House goes to inject him with a stimulant, and Cuddy objects. So House asks Mama where her son works on Saturday nights...in fluent Spanish. Cuddy asks House why he didn't tell them that he spoke Spanish. House says it would have resulted in people talking to him. Mama says that Alfie doesn't work on Saturday nights. It's the only night off he has all week. House asks Cuddy to let him shoot Alfie up with the "talking juice," and she says she won't because Mama isn't necessarily lying just because she's not giving House the answer he wants. House explains that he overheard Manny and Alfie's IMPORTANT CONVERSATION about Manny's covering for Alfredo at work tonight. Dude, they're all at work on a Saturday? That's dedication. House asks Mama again what Alfie does on Saturday nights, and she says he hangs out with friends and goes dancing. House thinks he's "dancing with birds," and Kevin Costner springs from his couch and goes to call his agent until he realizes that he forgot his agent's phone number and his phone is dusty from disuse. Mama won't give up any more information, and House asks if he can shoot Mama up with the talking juice instead of Alfie. He can't, so he orders Cuddy to take the "Scooby gang" and look for Alfie's secret hideout, which is probably near his house. Because House mysteriously knows all about the ways of illegal cockfights, he tells Cuddy to "find somebody who looks like crap" and try to place a bet. Is he saying that Latinos look like crap, or is my racism-sensitivity radar all thrown out of whack by this episode? "Sayonara!" House screams at Mama as they leave.

Over at your typical Abandoned Warehouse on the Wrong Side of the Tracks, there's Latin music playing (not Ricky Martin, although I wouldn't have put it past them) and people drinking, gathered around a small ring in the center of the room. Cuddy and Foreman enter and manage not to stick out like two white and black sore thumbs, despite being the only representatives of their respective races in the warehouse and totally not dressed for seeing an illegal cockfight. Roosters fight each other and people wave money around and cheer. Manny's down there, too, grabbing the losers' carcasses off the floor.

Back at home base, Wilson answers the phone in House's office as House tries to juggle two beanbag balls with one hand. Wilson tells him that Cuddy is on the line, and hands the phone off to House, who tells her that he put Alfredo on the psittacosis meds as soon as she left. "You're welcome," he says, and hangs up. I hope Cuddy didn't tell Foreman about that, or else we're going to have to endure another speech about lying to people to make them better being racist.

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House

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