Lost
I Do

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First Do Not That Much Harm

After commercials, Kate's back to breaking up rocks. She sadly watches Sawyer for a moment, then notices Juliet talking to Danny. Danny seems pissed about something, but that's pretty much his baseline, isn't it? After a moment, Juliet strolls over and offers a hood to Kate, politely asking Kate to put it on and come with her. Kate snaps, "You think I'm going to put a hood over my head 'cause you said 'please'?" Kate sounds like she's jockeyin' for a shockin'. "No, Kate, I think you're going to put a hood over your head because the man standing behind me, the one burning a hole in my back, that man is going to kill Sawyer." Sure enough, Danny's standing there glaring. Juliet says if Kate comes with her, there's something she can do that'll help save Sawyer's life. Kate looks over at Sawyer while the strings of Should I Try To Help Sawyer's Life kick in. Eventually, she agrees. Like she ever really had a choice.

Looks like that porker Kate managed to lose enough weight to fit into her wedding dress. I'm sure it was a close one. She's checking herself out in the mirror when there's a knock on the door and an older woman walks in to gush over her and tell her she looks beautiful. My wife says the same thing, and I spend a moment wondering if that means now Evangeline Lilly is officially one of those women that I'm allowed to think is attractive, and it is. (Never getting on the list: Mariah Carey.) Kate asks how things are going out there, and the woman says there are many excited policemen out there. So either Cap'n Firefly is an actual cop, or Season 6 of NYPD Blue is now out on DVD. The woman says she's made sure they won't all shoot their guns off when Kate says "I do." That's good news, because if Cap'n Firefly knows Ana-Lucia, his mother may have just saved a few lives. Kate says that "mothers-in-laws" [sic] aren't supposed to be this nice, like thanks for the backhanded compliment. Anyway, Mama Firefly has something for "Monica": some kind of a pendant on a chain. Kate says "Suzanne" shouldn't have, and Mama Firefly says it was given to her on her own wedding day by her mother, who said one day Mama Firefly would give it to her own daughter. But turns out Cap'n Firefly is one of four brothers. How does Kate keep any kind of secrets when she gets all fidgety and weird whenever someone calls her "Monica"? Kate gets all weepy as she puts in on and looks in the mirror and calls it perfect.

At the ceremony, Father Anvil-Dropper is going on about how he's known Cap'n Firefly since he was just a wee Cadet Firefly, and adds that when he met "Monica," he was struck by her "honesty" (BANG!) and devotion to Cap'n Firefly. "When I asked him what he loved most about you, he said, '''cause [sic] what you see is what you get (BANG!). Like for example, she tells you her name is Monica, and you totally know that's true.'" Then the priest is all casual with his "you've got the rings, you've vowed your vows," and I was kind of annoyed with his flippancy, but then I suppose the bar for adequate padre behaviour on this show is kind of low, isn't it? Since he's not killing people with machetes right on the altar, he's doing a pretty good job. He pronounces them husband and wife, helpfully pointing to each of them in turn so we know who's who, and then they kiss, which means either that this isn't a Catholic church, or the priest ain't doin' it right. Everybody claps, and blows kisses and murmurs things like, "she's so honest!" and "she's totally not a fugitive from justice!" Kate and Cap'n Firefly make their way down the aisle, Kate beaming.

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Lost

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