Smallville

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Meet the Blunder Twins

Watchtower. Clark is there, phone still in hand, not quite believing that Lois isn't picking up. He gives up in frustration. Behind him, Chloe is gathering up some papers. She says, "You freeze a girl out, she's going to give you the cold shoulder, hero or not." Clark explains he stopped calling her as the Blur in order to protect her, but now he needs her to tell the world that the Blur isn't responsible for the bad drug bust or the crime boss getting away. So... you're not protecting her anymore now that your rep is in danger? That's not douchey at all. Chloe crosses the room to her touch-screen computer, telling Clark he needs to get busy with the "spin doctor magic" because whoever's posing as the Blur is a self-promoting genius. She pulls up various pages from the 'net, showing Clark all the Facebooking and Tweeting the imposters have been doing. "He's co-opted your brand," Chloe says. Clark insists he's not a brand, but then he looks at all the web pages that have the S-shield prominently displayed. "The Blur has a blog?" [Blimey! - Zach] Clark says with dismay. Just wait till people start putting up Internet porn pretending to be you. Then you'll be all, "That's not my ball gag! Uh, I mean, I don't have a ball gag!" Chloe is amused that the boy who was once scarecrowed in high school now has 10,000 Facebook friends. I bet his Farmville is totally decked out. Clark is aghast that someone would be trying to discredit him, but Chloe thinks someone is actually trying to help him, based on the five "messy but successful saves" she's found. All the same, Clark thinks whoever it is needs to be stopped before someone gets hurt.

Metropolis, night. A limo drives through a shady-looking part of town. Inside, a man examines a tray full of loose diamonds. He tells his driver to pull over by the power station so he can get electrocuted later. Actually, he says, "These ladies and I have a date with destiny." And by "ladies" he means the diamonds. I guess. The driver starts to pull over, but out of nowhere a big mountain lion jumps onto the limo's front window. It snarls at him. Also, it's wearing a cute collar with a little silver heart charm. Diamond guy is pissed. He shouts, "Gun it!" The driver speeds up. They don't seem to think it's especially odd that a puma is trying to foil their plans. ["You'll never catch me, stupid puma!" - Z] A sheet of purple-tinged ice starts spreading on the street underneath the limo. The driver loses control and the limo crashes through a fence and into a power transformer. Or whatever the hell it is. All you need to know is it's got a lot of juice running through it. Sparks fly and the driver and diamond guy are knocked unconscious. The mountain lion jumps down off the hood of the limo and onto the street, where its eyes start glowing purple. In a halo of neon-violet light, the mountain lion morphs into Claudia from Warehouse 13. She's wearing the same collar with heart and, somehow, a purple tank and black bustier. She smiles and walks toward the sheet of ice, which is now morphing into Simon from 7th Heaven. The two of them smile triumphantly at each other, thrilled with a job well done. "Way to go aggro, J," he says to her. All right, these are the Wonder Twins, Jayna and Zan, and although they spend the rest of their screen time calling each other by their first initials, I'm gonna call them Jayna and Zan, because their way of naming each other is kind of annoying. Jayna thinks that thanks to this stunt, the cops will be off their backs after their failed "cops in a box" plan. [Step 1: Put a cop in a box. Step 2: Put some coke in that box. - Z] She pulls out her phone and prepares to take pictures of the scene to upload later. The phone, by the way, is bedecked in rhinestones in the image of Gleek. I guess actual space-monkeys were too expensive, so this is their idea of a stand-in. Zan jumps up on top of the limo to spray-paint a big, clumsy, amateurish white S on the hood, which seems like kind of a let-down after the big twenty-story dealy they rigged with the building earlier. As Zan finishes up his graffito, a piece of the power transformer falls toward the limo. He dives to the street just in time to miss the hail of sparks. The limo sizzles with electricity and the power all over the city starts blinking out. "Whoa," the Twins say in unison. The screen goes black.

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Smallville

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