Independence Day

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Tony Clifton's Revenge

Cut to Michael in The House That Drives, who for some reason I thought was already gone. I was kind of under the impression that when impoverished renegade alien types took off to contact the Mother Ship, they didn't stop at home first to pack up a few knickknacks. He's stuffing his worldly goods into a burlap sack of some kind, one that I expect he'll tie to a stick and carry over one shoulder while belting out tunes of the "I've Been Down So Long" variety on his Hobo Brand harmonica. Max enters and tells him not to go. You have me, Michael. You have Isabel, Michael. But Michael again thwarts Max's attempts at kindness with more barbs, including the arch, "Keep in touch, all right?" Michael, while I have your attention: snide retorts plus bad acting equal the appearance of integrity. Keep that in your mind if you want to remain as snide as I think you do. And I would recap in full the pathos-laden Speech of the Week by an always sincere Max Evans, but that would lend credibility to the prospect that Michael is going to run away for any more than like five TV minutes. Which, trust me, he won't. Basically, Max tells him that he'll have no one to blame but himself if he runs away. He has to stay. They're family. Max gives Michael a poorly wrapped package of some kind and Michael leaves. Again. It's like every time I finish one scene, four more pop up in its place. And they're all exactly the same.

I love Michael hitchhiking. No dialogue, many cars blowing right by him, rain kicking up once more for dramatic effect. Can't recap rain, now can I? He's picked up by some kind of trucker, who launches into a big speech about what a bust his visit to New Mexico was. As Michael opens his fish-tank stones package, the trucker blathers on about how there are no aliens in Roswell, ending with, "If you were an alien and you could go anywhere in the world, would you pick Roswell?" If? IF? HA! Wow. How amazing that this trucker doesn't even know he's in the presence of an alien. Have I made that comment before? Maybe that's because this scene has happened before. Let us not dissect it further. Michael gets nostalgia-eyes when he sees the fish-tank rocks. Is this trucker in any way significant? No, as it turns out. So Michael takes this moment instead to have a dream sequence flashback thing to the Alien Three in the desert together. And I know you'll be absolutely astonished to heed these words, but it's a sequence we've -- no, really -- seen before.

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