Independence Day

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Tony Clifton's Revenge

Meanwhile, across the Crashdown, Max tells Isabel that "I promised I wouldn't tell anybody." Michael comes in. Isabel, clearly out of practice resulting from her deplorable under-use lately, can't act her way out of an alien pod in pretending she doesn't know what happened to Michael, and Michael sees right through her and storms out. The three share a large confrontation, in broad daylight, in the middle of the street, so loud and conspicuous it threatens to erupt into one of those full-scale, lavish musical numbers this show is so famous for. This unambiguous drama culminates with Michael telling the others that he can't expose his father and "bring all this attention to us." Whatever. Isabel reveals Tertiary Plot Attempt #6043b by telling Michael that her father, a lawyer, knew of a case where a minor was allowed permission to live on his own. Who? Cares? Use your powers on him, she suggests. Come stay with us, she suggests. Recalcitrant Michael finally agrees to the latter. Michael storms away, and Max asks how they'll explain this to their perfect suburban parents. Isabel says that they'll think of something, continuing the scene-to-scene annoying thematic linking with the hopeful statement, "I think it will be good for Michael to be part of the family."

Cut to dinner at Chez Evans, where Michael is deep in the process of being neither good nor part of the family. Bangs flits around the kitchen while the rest of the members sit in that "thank God money has come along and civilized us" kind of horror watching Michael shovel food onto his plate. Isabel whispers to Michael that they usually wait until everyone is sitting before they begin to eat because "it's polite." Oh, aren't they just the Perfect Suburban Family. It's like these people exist completely without subtext. But the poor cretin doesn't understand, even though he's been friends with the Evans siblings since he was six years old and has spent more than his fair share of nights sleeping on Max's floor. All I'm saying is that Michael, destitute as he seems to be, grew up in a very suburban area with relatively well-to-do friends. He's lived among them and learned their culture. He uses a fork and a knife at the Crashdown, so it stands to reason he would have mastered the basic tenets of public food consumption. I mean, he's not Encino Man, for cryin' out loud. Anyway, dinner convo is very, very strained. Max and Isabel make up stories about what Michael's father does and have apparently told Mom and Pop Evans that Tony Clifton is just away on business for a few days. Bangs serves some awful looking thing that I'm glad has nothing to do with pies, or with the sex that people seem to have when they eat pies.

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