It’s A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part II

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: B+
The Passion Of The Chris, Part II

The camera cuts to fill the screen with one of those Have A Nice Day! smiley-face Mylar balloons I like so much, before panning to reveal the heavily pregnant Piper propped up in bed, contentedly swilling Jell-O. Her hair is in braids, so we know something's wrong. The just-arrived Phoebe and Raige, however, are idiots, and don't realize Piper's been affected by the shift until a chipper amputee orderly arrives to pick up her tray, and Piper enthuses over "the frozen peas and the processed turkey" that were "to die for!" As the amputee orderly bobbles the tray, Piper leans forward with, "Oh, let me give you a hand!" There's a beat, then Piper hoots, "Ooops!" before both she and the orderly dissolve into giggles. "That's not funny!" an appalled Phoebe chides, but the orderly's all, "Hey, my fault! Shouldn't have been using my cell phone in the hospital!" You know, I think I could really get behind whacking off the hands of cell-phone abusers. Though it would make more sense, of course, to cut off their ears, but whatever. Anyway, after the orderly's exited, Phoebe and Raige beg Piper to snap out of it, as the Psycho's in danger, and Snidely's to blame. The idea that an ever-useless Elder could be anything but perfectly benign is, of course, heresy in this altered world, and Piper urges her sisters to shut their yaps before they get themselves into trouble. As Phoebe and Raige flail about in frustration, Piper's chipper physician bounds in from the hall to check up on her. An equally chipper Cleansing Burst Of Synchronicity leaps into the room to boot Piper in the stomach. "Say!" the doctor perks. "That's not good!" "Those darn contractions are a lot more painful than they should be," Piper agrees, appearing entirely unconcerned. "What does that mean?" Raige breathes. "It means visiting hours are over!" the doc replies. "Buh-bye, now!" Phoebe protests, so the doctor adds, "Rules are rules! Did you want to keep your legs?" Phoebe and Raige skedaddle.

Out in the hall, Phoebe and Raige agree that in the Dolt's absence, they should "probably have a little talk with [themselves]," meaning, of course, their Bizarro counterparts. As they pass out of the frame, an orderly who'd been hunched over in the background rises, and it's Barbas, who'd been eavesdropping at Snidely's behest. He retreats to a corner, where Snidely himself uncloaks for a strategy session. As Piper's the only sister affected by the shift, she is the only one who can alter Phoebe and Raige so that they, too, will forget the threat Snidely represents to the Psycho. It's up to Barbas to work his fear-mongering mojo to ensure Piper does just that. And…scene. Well, not really, because first we have to linger in the hospital for a million years as Barbas stalks over to Piper's room to stare and menace and slow-tracking close-up and God! Just cut away already!

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