It’s A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part II

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: B+
The Passion Of The Chris, Part II

Thank you! Up in the nonexistent Manor attic, Big Gay Chris scries unsuccessfully for Snidely as the Dolt enters with the Psycho, whom he deposits in a playpen in the center of the room. Big Chris suggests the Dolt ask the other ever-useless Elders for their assistance, and is pleasantly surprised when the Dolt instantly shoots down that idea. "Trouble in paradise?" Chris smirks with a cocked brow. Sigh. Pretty! This leads to another brief discussion regarding the murky status of Piper and the Dolt's relationship. Big Manipulative Chris admits he'd simply "like to go back to a future where [his] parents are still together." The Dolt waffles a bit, but eventually counters, "It's just like I said when I was making the potion…" He trails off as he realizes that Snidely conspired to convince them the potion was useless. Therefore, it must really work, and they can send Big Chris back to the future right away. Chris -- ever the martyr, just like his mother -- nixes this plan, as with Snidely still on the loose, he's yet to accomplish what he came back to achieve: The Psycho's salvation. If I were Chris, I'd object to the plan because my stepping-off point would be this fucked-up shifted reality, and I'd likely end up in yet another parallel universe. But I think too much about these things, and besides, the point of this scene is to allow the guys enough blathering time to realize Snidely's been the Psycho's Big Bad all along. Or, you know, so they believe. I'm convinced the Psycho's been his very own Big Bad since day one, but these people never listen to me. In any event, what Chris can't understand is why Snidely turned the Psycho to The Dark Side if Snidely had always viewed the Psycho as a threat. Oh, Chris. Snidely didn't turn your brother to The Dark Side, because no one turned your brother to The Dark Side. Your brother's a creepy, emotionless freak, and will become evil no matter what you or your parents or your aunts try to do about it -- just as his Bizarro counterpart with the normal range of human emotions will become good no matter what his family does to prevent that from happening. Oy. That's all conjecture on my part, of course, but wouldn't it be interesting if it were true? A hell of a lot more interesting than this Demon Of The Week crap they've been pulling all season. Anyway, the Dolt supposes that, in Chris's original timeline, Snidely kidnapped the Psycho and basically tortured the tot trying to figure out a way to kill him. Therefore, Dark Side. No, Dolt. See above. Whatever. The Dolt promises to prevent all that from happening, for both his sons' sakes. The scene ends with a lovingly lingering close-up of my pretty husband's grateful expression, which only serves to make me that much more embittered regarding what happens to him later.

Snidely's study. "The Power of Four has worked before," Phoebe notes as she enters the chamber with Raige. Raige reminds Phoebe that they were all in the same universe at the time. It might be a bit more difficult to merge their powers now. The gals jaw their way through the room in search of whatever Snidely might have used to contact his evil twin until Phoebe notices the echo. She spots a fallen chess piece, crosses to slide open the arras, and finds Phauxhawk staring back at her through the mirror. The Raiges join them for a processing summit, during which the Bizarro Gals directly contradict Snidely's earlier assertion that "too much good [has corrupted their] world." Seems that folks on their side of the glass are having their limbs amputated for saying, "Gesundheit," not for saying, "Fuck you." So, either Snidely was lying to Barbas, or this show can't maintain continuity between scenes in a single episode, or the writers didn't think this concept through when they came up with this crap and thus have shattered the episode's interior logic. I don't care anymore. Long story short, the four realize they indeed cannot merge powers across the divide that exists between the two worlds, and so decide to cast spells on their respective Pipers to restore the Powers of Three. Once they've accomplished that, they'll reopen the portal, and Our Gals will give the Bizarro Gals a walking tour of the Bay Area until enough time has elapsed to shift the balance back where it belongs. Or something like that. Whatever.

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