Episode Report Card
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Just Ass

More alarms. Clark asks Impulse if he can super-speed. Impulse says that he just needs a minute to catch his breath. They find Green Arrow, who says he'll have to do that later. He radios Bionic Brother and Aquadude, saying, "Rendezvous alpha confirmed." He asks Chloe wheter LuthorCorp's people have all cleared the building. Chloe, looking at a heat-signature map, says that they've all moved out and gone north. Clark asks what he's doing. Green Arrow asks if Clark wants any more of his friends to end up in there. Impulse says that he votes no on that. Clark thinks about it, and asks Chloe whether she's sure everyone is out of the building. "100% positive," Chloe replies. Clark, reluctantly, says, "All right. Let's do it." He thought you'd never ask.

We cut to a distant shot, through a chain-link fence, of the building blowing up. The five heroes are walking slowly in silhouette. Chloe sees the building blow up on her heat map. From left to right, your Justice League Heroes are...Li'l Impulse Flashmier! (Raaaah!) Leathery Green Phallic Arrow! (Raaaah!) Farmboy in Flannel Clark Mopey Kent! (Tiny rah.) Wet 'n Ready Bro Aquadude! (Loud grunts!) And Smooth Electro Sex Machine Bionic Brother! (Raaaah! Underwear thrown on stage!) Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your 2007 CWTV Teen Heroes (as played by men in their twenties)! Let's give it up! Tighter close-up as more fire explodes, singeing no one. Even tighter close-up on Clark. He's quite the fireball, that one.

Commercials. Please, Ron Livingston, get off my commercial break and get back into some decent movies.

Clock tower, daytime. Oliver tells someone on his cell phone that he wants his jet fueled and ready to go as soon as possible. Lois, dragging in a huge suitcase and carry-on, says she hopes the plane has lots of lift, because her bag weighs a ton. Oh yeah...about that.... Oliver doesn't say anything. Lois asks if he's packed yet: "Where's your stuff?" Oliver looks over at his secret clock compartment, but still doesn't answer. Lois tells him not to say what she thinks he's going to say. Oliver says that he has to go away on business. Lois puts down her carry-on as sad music starts to play. She tells him to postpone it. He says it's not that simple. She says that nothing with him ever is: "You're like two completely different people. There's the charming romantic guy that I fell in love with, and then there's this other guy who can't stick around in one place long enough to see what he's missing." Oliver pulls out the sympathy card: "Ever since my parents died..." he starts, and women all over the country groan. Oliver says that he's jumped from place to place, and in all those years, he never regretted leaving anyone. "Then I met you," he concludes. Lois squints slightly to try to convey deep inner pain. She takes a step forward and tells him, "Then stay." He can't. He says that there are more important things in this world than what he wants and what he loves. Lois wants to cry. Oliver says that he hopes someday he can explain why. Lois tells him not to expect her to wait around for that, and walks away. "I'm not coming back, Lois," Oliver tells her. He says that it won't be anytime soon, at least. Lois starts to cry a bit. Oliver apologizes: "I never wanted to hurt you." This is pretty douchey right here. It's not like Lois has a real job right now. Can't he take her for a trip somewhere and then bring her back later? Or meet her in Monte Carlo for one night? Lois says that Oliver finally got around to hurting her anyway. Oliver says that this is it, and asks if this is the moment he's going to regret for the rest of his life. "Yes," says Lois, but she kisses him anyway. Lois says that she loved him. They stand there holding each other. Lois finally breaks the embrace and goes out the elevator. Want to take your bags? No? You know he's just going to give all that lingerie to someone else.

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