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Just Ass

Clark tells Li'l Flash to knock it off, and asks what's up with the Spanish. What's it to you, gringo estupido? Don't you know I'm loco, ese? Li'l Flash tells a compelling but ultimately unbelievable story about going to Mexico and partaking of a sensational burrito called "El Intestino Buster." Yeah. I don't think that's what it was really called. Which is surprising, given this show's way with the Spanish language. Li'l Flash suggests that Clark take a run with him down there to try the burrito. A run for the border? Clark wants Li'l Flash to cut the crap, and asks why he came back to Smallville. Li'l Flash says he came back to hang out with his amigo. Clark, still serious, says that the last time Li'l Flash was in town, he took Bo Duke's wallet and swiped a priceless artifact from Lex. Li'l Flash is amused by the memories, but assures Clark that things are different now. Li'l Flash says that he needed a superkick in the butt and that Clark gave it to him; he swears on his "gringo" self that there's been no more stealing since then. Clark asks if he's supposed to believe that. Smartass Li'l Flash says that he could squeeze out some tears if it'd help. Clark insists on the truth, and asks what Li'l Flash was doing at The Daily Planet. The kid says he saw the "Chloealicious byline" in the paper a while back, and was in town for business; he decided to go check her out. Clark asks what business. Li'l Flash says he's a courier, taking things to places, "lickety split, don't have a fit." Exactly how many drinks did Stephen S. DeKnight have when he wrote this scene? Because he sounds like he's having an awful lot of fun here. (Cheers, mate. I'll have whatever he's having.) Li'l Flash gets a little sad that Clark doesn't believe him, and offers to be gone before Clark can even blink. Clark superzips into his path: "I don't know. I can still blink pretty fast. Mexico, huh? Wanna go get that burrito?" All right, Clark! Have some fun for once, you boring bastard. "Excelente!" says Li'l Flash. Clark grins and makes cute little faces. This is gonna be the best burrito excursion ever on this show!

Oliver's clock tower. It's a cloudy day. Oliver and Lois emerge from the elevator, clearly sloshed. Lois praises their two-martini lunch. Oliver says that it was a four-martini lunch, and it looks like some of it ended up on his black shirt. That, or he's lactating. Lois offers to make up for spilling the drink on him. Oliver says that it's his favorite shirt. Lois unbuttons the shirt, offering to put it in the laundry so that the black shirt doesn't get stained with the clear drink. Smart, that. They kiss. Oliver's cell phone rings. He reaches into his back pocket. We get a brief glimpse of his pant-line. He's a boxers man. Lois pulls back as Oliver sees the number and says that he has to take the call. He steps toward the camera while Lois ages in the background. "Go ahead," Oliver says into the phone. He blinks a lot and then says, "Give me five minutes." This is gonna be a real quickie, Lois. Brace yourself. Oliver hangs up. Lois steps forward, telling Oliver that what she had in mind is going to take a little longer than five minutes. Oliver lets his mouth hang open a bit before answering, "Rain check?" Lois says that she'll just put it next to the rest of the umbrellas Oliver keeps handing her. Each umbrella, Oliver? Is a blowjob. Just so you know. Oliver tries to explain, but Lois asks why this relationship is all interruptus and no coitus. That's Latin for dirty! She says that he's always running off just when things get interesting. And he wears a lot of leather? And has neat hair? I wonder what explanation there could be for that. Lois says that she likes being interested...a lot. Is that code for really, really digging dick? Oliver, shirt open, says that it's not fair to her. He says he thinks they should take a break. Like Ross and Rachel? Lois, hurt, asks if he means see other people. Oliver, taken aback, says yeah, sure, if that's what she wants. What he meant was a vacation, just the two of them. Then don't say you want a break, jackhole. That's like saying, "I want us to divorce...ourselves from work obligations so that we can go on a cruise together, honey! [Smooch!]" And speaking from experience, wives don't like it when you pull that shit. Lois smiles: "Really? No rushing out in the middle of the good stuff?" Oliver says it'll just be him, her and..."Monte Carlo?" he asks. And some oily midgets. Lois likes that. Oliver says that there are some things he has to take care of before they go. He tries to keep talking, but Lois plants one on his lips. Oliver says that she's good at that. She learned it from Clark. Lois offers to start packing. Another kiss, and then she finally leaves him alone. She goes on the elevator for the long-ass commute to Smallville. Oliver looks down at his cell phone. A test message reads, "Game on." If this had been a few seasons ago, it might read, "Gay on."

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