Little Monsters

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Little Monsters

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah: The four argue about vanquishing Tongue Boy for a bit until the telephone rings. Raige, displeased with Big Gay Chris and his ardent exhortations favoring infanticide, sneers her way off the sun porch to answer it. Phoebe shouts that Raige should lie regarding her whereabouts if Chronic pops up on the other end of the line. This leads to chatter about Phoebe's Issue Of The Week, which Piper succinctly phrases as, "You told him that you love him before he told you that he loves you? Not good." Big Chris rolls his eyes around and snits, "What are you going to do?" Phoebe misinterprets this as him, you know, actually giving a shit about her tiresome romance, and starts spouting something about…well, I'm sure it was important, but honestly? I no longer have the strength to listen to her anymore. Big Gay Chris places his hands on his hips and gets huffy. "I meant the baby!" he seethes. "We gotta do something." As if in response to this, Tongue Boy unfurls said tongue and licks up The Doltine Psycho's pacifier from halfway across the playpen. Heh. Big Gay Chris dejectedly eyes the contented Tongue Boy in the pen as Phoebe and Piper glance uneasily around the room.

Meanwhile, Raige has a lovely chat with Darryl on the cordless in the kitchen. Darryl's storyline this evening is precisely as pointless as those ludicrous subplots were two weeks ago, so I'll be giving it as much ink as it deserves -- which is to say, as little as I can get away with without being fired. Deal. Darryl's supervising a hostage situation at a post office branch elsewhere in the city. The gun-toting perp is an acquaintance whom Darryl would like to see walk out alive. He begs Raige for help. No, we don't learn how Darryl knows the perp; nor do we discover why Darryl believes the guy's worth saving, nor do we ever hear the fucker's name, but whatever. Raige assures Darryl she'll be right over, and grabs a set of car keys from the rack.

Back on the sun porch, Piper plays peek-a-boo with The Doltine Psycho in order to lay the groundwork for a crucial bit of business at the end of the hour. This particular variety of peek-a-boo, by the way, involves Piper covering her eyes to sing, "Where's [The Doltine Psycho]?" before removing her hands from her face and crying, "There he is!" "I don't think distracting him is the answer," Big Chris grumbles, turning his back to Piper in frustration so we can all bask in the glory of his khakied ass. Piper shifts tactics, pointing to Tongue Boy and scolding, "Very bad demon!" The Doltine Psycho masks his bloody thoughts with an impassive gaze. Tongue Boy, meanwhile, happily jaws on another toy at the other end of the pen. Raige enters to announce the details of Darryl's pointless subplot, and flies out the front door. "You're just going to let her go?" Big Chris splutters. "You're welcome to try to stop her," Piper mildly replies. Phoebe rises to exit as well, muttering something about Chronic. "And her, too," Piper smirks. Big Chris blocks Phoebe's path and rages, "Are you not concerned that there's a demon in the house?" "It's a baby," she patronizes before sailing past him into the hall. Chris wheels around to Piper to spit, "And you're okay with them dumping this in your lap like that?" Piper's all, "Sweetheart. Sugar britches. Second son. It's what my sisters have been doing to me for the last five years. Why should it start bothering me now?" Or maybe she just rolls her shoulders around and notes, "They don't seem to be worried about it." Big Chris glances uneasily at Tongue Boy one last time before heading to the attic to abuse the Book of Shadows. "I need to figure out what kind of creature we're dealing with here," he pissily snips over his shoulder.

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