Episode Report Card
admin: A | 1 USERS: A-
Para-Lionel Universe

They're up on the Daily Planet rooftop. Lois makes a run for the stairwell, but he stops her. "Stay away from me, Clark," she warns. "Or Ultraman, or whoever you are! I know what happens when someone sees your face." She backs away from him, smashes a window and screams for help. He walks towards her, hands open, trying to show her he's not a threat to her. He says they're allies where he's from. "You always have my back," he says. "How else would I know you're brave and loyal and a force of nature?" "Anybody could have told you that about me," she says. He rattles off a list of other things he knows about her, like what a bad speller she is, how stubborn she is... "And you can always tell when I'm lying," he says. "You can see right through me, right through my soul, straight to my heart." She stops backing away. He pleads for her to see that he's telling her the truth. So she gives him a long look and asks, "Who are you?" He's the less murderous, less hot version of Clark. "My name is Clark Kent," he says, and he can't live in a world where she doesn't love him. She blinks up at him, teary-eyed. Oliver who? Clark zips away.

Watchtower. This version is as much of a grungy mess as everything else in this parallel universe. The only thing pretty about it is Oliver, who's waiting for Clark when he arrives. "So Clark Luthor is the mysterious Ultraman of Metropolis," he says. "That name sucks, by the way." Heh. Clark just wants the mirror box and promises to bring Lois back. Clark turns out not to be a very good kidnapper, because Oliver already knows that Lois is safe. He says he doesn't know anything about Clark's box. Hee! I have a juvenile sense of humor sometimes. When Clark asks why Oliver brought him there, Oliver answers by clicking a little remote control that closes a metal iris over the stained glass window. When it opens again, sickly green light pours through. Oliver's been trying to get Ultraman for years: "And now I get to kill two birds with one stone." Clark gets the dry heaves and falls to the floor. He should try giving a nice speech like he gave Lois. Something like... "Where I come from, you and I are allies! We play dress-up together! I can't live in a world where you keep your shirt on all the time!" Instead, he just lies there looking pukey. "I've been hunting Ultraman since he murdered the Swanns," Oliver says. "That's how I found out what hurts you." Clark tries to explain what's really going on, but he just sounds like a loon. Oliver goes to get a gun, loads it with bullets. He explains about how he's been evicting farmers from their land so that he can mine the land for meteor rock. He has traps set up for Ultraman all over the world. "I'm no threat to you," Clark gurgles. Oliver crouches down beside him. "Really? So why Lois? She's the only one who knows my secret; she believes in me and you took her away from me." Clark asks Oliver to believe him, but Oliver gets up and aims the gun at him.

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