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Metal Of Horror

Talon. It's Makeout Session time. The coffee shop is empty (Smallville's best cappuccino's not bringing them in?), and Carn-Evil has got Lana backed up against one of the Egyptian-themed posts. They're kissing. Lana's wearing a black shirt. Carn-Evil says he likes the new Lana. She says she took his advice and splurged on a whole new wardrobe. Yay! He says he can't wait to see the rest later. She promises a fashion show. Lana, you're no Tyra Banks. And I say that with love. Love for Tyra. Kissing. Carn-Evil asks Lana if she wants to get out of town, today. She asks if he's serious. No, he's Seth, but never mind that. He gives her a little of the old pickle tickle (electric version), and Lana's ready to go. She asks where. He says they can just hit the road and see where it takes them. Lana promises to go anywhere with him. Carn-Evil glances at the cash register and says that they're going to need some money. Lana says she's got that covered. More kissing. Carn-Evil tells Lana to meet him out back; he's got a surprise.

The next shot is Lana taking money out of the register. A song called "Stupid Girl" is playing. Hee. Lex -- who hasn't been to the Talon in months -- instinctively knows to be there now. Lana hasn't bothered to notice that Lex is the only other person in the building. He asks Lana what she's doing. Lana says she's taking an advance on her part of the profits. Lex says the joke's over, and tells her to put the money back. Lana says it's no joke. She's incapable of that, even in bad-girl form. She tells Lex that she's leaving town with Carn-Evil, and needs the cash. Lex walks out back after Lana. He says she can't be serious. She is serious. And don't call her "Shirley." Lana says she can't stay in town her whole life. She says that her family's all gone, her friends have changed...she found someone who actually wants to be with her. Maybe it's the magnets talking, but this is the most clear-headed and smart Lana talk I've ever heard on the show. This Lana knows the fucking score. Lana says that for the first time in a while, she doesn't feel alone. A car honks. It's Carn-Evil pulling up in a sharp yellow Mustang convertible. Lana laughs. "Hop in," he says, pulling up. Lex says it's a pretty sweet ride for a sixteen-year-old. Is there any doubt that Lex was driving something like that when he was sixteen? Lex tells Lana she's making a serious mistake. Lana tells him to have a nice life. The car peels out, leaving Lex behind. Lex walks back into The Talon, where Clark is. "Where's Lana?" Clark asks. Who cares? You've got Lex to yourself now! Lex tells Clark the sad story of the register that had about $3 in it. Lex picks up the phone to call the sheriff. When Lex's back is turned, Clark superspeeds out of there. This is the only place there might have been a Gayest Look of the Episode, and the two barely glanced at each other. Weak.

A country road. Clark superspeeds down the street and stops to look around. He sees the yellow car turn a corner and start driving toward him. Clark's eyes turn red and he eye-jaculates all over the street, melting the blacktop. The yellow car runs right into it, and the tires sink right into loose gravel. The car stops. Carn-Evil can't figure out what happened. "Trouble," by Pink -- a song I actually quite like -- is playing. Carn-Evil says that the road's melted. My friend, that was some bad acid you took. Lana asks what they're gonna do. What's this "we" shit, Asian-American girl of indeterminate origin on the show? A rig is coming from one side of the street. The cops come the other way, blaring their sirens. Carn-Evil kisses Lana and tells her not to worry; they'll be together. He tells Lana to trust him. Carn-Evil looks like a bug as he jumps out of the car and hitches a ride on the back of a metal tanker. Meanwhile, the cops are coming. They find Lana sitting in the car alone. The sheriff's voice on the speakers tells Lana to stay in the car and put her hands on the dashboard. Lana's pissed. Commercials.

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