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Metal Of Horror

Chasing through the crowd. I wish I were hearing Benny Hill music instead of The Dork Munchers Wanna Be With You. "I said baby, you're amazing," the lyrics say. Fuckin' poetry. More running through the crowd. Carn-Evil pushes through the crowd, but Biker Butch caught up with him. He smashes the meteor globe on Carn-Evil's head. Aren't those things usually made of plastic now? The band stops playing as people crowd in to see what happened. The lead singer is all, "Man, screw this. From now on, no more county fairs. Starting today, we only play gigs at skating rinks!" Carn-Evil spits out some globe water, and maybe teeth. There are little meteor rocks all over the place. We CGI inside Carn-Evil's forehead, where the green rocks are flying like Bruce Willis as sperm in Look Who's Talking. They mix in with the red blood cells (and provide their own sound effects) and we promptly zoom back out of the guy's forehead before we get a Clearasil animation. Lana shows up and calls for help. Doesn't she have a cell phone? Carn-Evil breathes hard and then falls unconscious.

The cold blue steel of an MRI machine. Carn-Evil is stuffed in between head cushions, and his neck is strapped in. He's got little strips across his gashed forehead. A voice tells him to relax and not to move. Carn-Evil says he's feeling a little claustrophobic. The voice says that's normal, and that the MRI is about to start. The machine begins its scan, and there's a knocking sound. The technician says that's just the magnetic fields being activated. Suddenly, some electrical effects start to happen around Carn-Evil's neck and head. He starts to scream. Outside the MRI, the computer shows what doesn't look like a very normal scan of a brain. More electricity. Carn-Evil calls for help. The technician is scared: he runs toward the MRI, but a blast of something invisible knocks him against a back wall. More electricity. A doctor comes in and sees what's going on. He unplugs the machine. Everything goes off. The doctor calls for a nurse. He pulls Carn-Evil out of the MRI on the sliding slab. Carn-Evil takes off his neck strap. Lana appears at the door. "I need some help in here, stat!" calls the doctor. Lana is somehow just allowed to waltz right into the room. She goes to Carn-Evil and asks what happened. He's all sweaty. He puts his hand on Lana. Some green electricity is exchanged. Lana smiles. "Chloe was right," she says. "You really are cute." Riddled with fresh cancer, but cute. That was a long intro! I'm already winded.

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