Malia & Dana

Episode Report Card
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Pump Up The Glam

"Malia becomes furious when she remembers some unfinished business she assigned to the best man." Oh, great, here we go. It seems that Narbo has gotten herself a room at the tony W Hotel, and the best man was supposed to get Rich his own room, which it seems he didn't take care of yet. Narbo is also under the mistaken impression that the best man is supposed to be in charge of not only arranging the accommodations, but paying for them as well. I say a hearty "nay." I'm a nay-sayer. I'm sure that's the way some people do it, but I defy Narbo to look through the history books and find any legitimate precedent for that kind of crap. So, Narbo gives best man Kevin a "verbal thrashing" (thanks for that gem, Mindy) over the phone, disgusting me even further because I know she's just hamming for the camera. ["And even if Kevin was supposed to do it, and didn't, how is that Malia's problem? Let Rich deal with it, if he even cares, which he doesn't." -- Sars]

I mean, you guys get that this is all fake, right? That Malia...sorry, just acting up to get on the show and rep for her vendors, right? There's no way she thought this shit wasn't going to air.

Okay, so now Narbo is taking Rich to get Botox. Yeah, that Botox. The one that is also known as "sausage poison." Dude, you're shooting yourself in the face with sausage poison. Are you insane? Clearly. But hey, I'll bet it's free! Narbo interviews some stupid shit about how the "bride always looks better," or something to that idiotic effect. I'm not even listening anymore. Again, Narbo is going down the list of "celebrity" vendors to the receptionist at the dermatologist, and I want to just punch her in the face. Actually, I want to punch the producers in the face for letting her get all those plugs in. What a freeloader. Rich interviews that the Botox is totally not his idea. Man, I've had enough. Can we please get some...some...what was her name, again? Dana! Right. Dana. Can we get some of her? It feels like it's time...nope. We have to watch them get stabbed in the face with sausage poison. Dude, I'm sorry. Y'all can do whatever you want, but I'm never getting Botox.

So, it's still not time for Dana. It's seems that a "family member" has died, and Narbo has to go to the funeral. Wow, rough life. What the show doesn't mention is that it's totally Rich's father. Yeah. I have confirmation that this is the truth. And yet Narbo continues to act like a self-centered little hatchet wound for the duration of this scene. She clearly doesn't give a fuck about Rich at all, in my opinion, and I feel bad for him. Narbo gets all into the limo driver's face for being late, and it's just embarrassing. Before running out the door, after flailing to find her purse, Narbo jumps on the scale and yells, "Son of a bitch!" Who is this crazy person? What happens to a person in their lifetime that causes them to turn into this particular flavor of awful? Maybe Drew, the producer, pokes and prods to bring this out of her, but it has to exist there in the first place. I can't even go on with this scene. Just understand that Malia is an asshole, and that's all that really needs to be said. I'm so over her, I'm under her.

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