Malice In Wonderland

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
Down The Bimbo-Hole

And speaking of the egomaniacal hag, here she is entering a Vex-occupied elevator at All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me in a scenelet that has absolutely no bearing on anything else in the episode, despite what the vile PVO would have us believe about signs. Next!

The Retarded Bimbo enters her darkened palatial dorm room and flips on the light to find Raige, avec tatty black nylon wig, awaiting her arrival. "Drop something?" Raige smirks as she rises to her feet. The Retarded Bimbo puckers her overly glossed lips into the next commercial break.

Dorm room, aftermath, featuring more scintillating and quick-witted banter from The Retard and The Spastic. Eventually, Raige spits, "This isn't a game! This is real! Deadly real." "Can't use an adverb with a noun," The Retarded Bimbo snots, and that's not a noun, fucktard, and shut up, and drop dead, and shut up some more after you've dropped dead, and then drop dead again, and Brad Kern is A FUCKING IDIOT.

GAH! ANY-way, we get a brief burst of The Retarded Bimbo's backstory -- she just recently noticed she had powers and figured everything out through a couple of books she snagged at Barnes & Noble, and no, I am not kidding with that -- before Raige insists upon learning how The Retarded Bimbo cracked tonight's Nefarious Demonic Plot For World Domination. Simple! Almost as simple as The Retarded Bimbo, in fact. She noticed that all of the missing teenagers had names that came close to sounding like "Alice" -- Allison, Alastair, Alex, etc. -- and when those same teenagers reappeared babbling about white rabbits and mad hatters and "stoned caterpillars" and such, she quickly made the connection to the Lewis Carroll classic. She then -- again, not kidding -- hooked a scrying crystal up to her computer and, using a "GPS system," soon found Little Miss Notoriety and her modern-day rabbit hole, and would someone please shoot me in the head? Please? No one? Damn. You people are far too principled to be watching this garbage. Raige orders The Retarded Bimbo to remain in her palatial dorm room while Raige orbs out to consult with her sisters.

All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. Vex ambles in from the hall and, long story short, Phoebe's glamoured identity is now writing the paper's advice column, because Vex had a little chat with Elise Rothman, Girl Editor, and Elise decided to hire "Julie" based solely upon Vex's recommendation, despite the fact that Vex is little more than a badly coiffed pantywaist with an enormous mole on his cheek who glues bits of rusted rebar together in a physically impossible garret and calls the results "art," and I hate this show. Just then, a breaking news story splashes itself all over the office's flat-paneled TV, detailing the recovery of one previously missing "Alice Robbins" who was found "mumbling incoherently" about "a path that leads nowhere and smiles without faces." Phoebe immediately understands what's really going on, because she's so smart. She jiggles out of the office to head back to the Manor, but not after promising to phone Vex later.

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