Bridezillas
Milena

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The Warpath 2: Electric Milenaloo

It's wedding rehearsal time, and Milena is late. She's cussing like a sailor in the car on the way there, and is pissed because it looks like rain. When she finally arrives, she gives her sister a mound of shit for "making a minor adjustment to her bridesmaid's dress." It looks like she taped a bunch of grapes to the front, and is pretty fugly, in my opinion. Aneta: "I thought it added a little flavor to it." Milena: "And it's so your place to add the flavor." Mr. S: "Yeah, the grape flavor! Zing!"

Sars: Shut up, Mr. S.
Mr. S: Sorry! I've been away. I take it back.
Sars: No more grape talk from you, pal.
Mr. S: ... Boh.

Milena says, "I'm fashionably late," as she arrives at the rehearsal. Do people really ever say that any more? Is she kidding? She sucks, dude. Mindy: "Milena's about to be unfashionably nasty!" Like, ha ha. And: "about to be"? Good one. Anyhow, things get started, and just like every rehearsal dinner since the beginning of time, things are pretty chaotic, which, naturally, causes Milena to lose her shit and start talking smack to Adi. What's said isn't really important because she's really just frustrated that everyone isn't showering her with attention. "Everybody's fucking talking to everyone else, like, what the hell?" You know, the more she bitches, the more a slight accent begins to emerge. I think her family moved to the U.S. when she was very young and could still learn English relatively accent-free, but her sister was older and had a harder time shaking the accent.

The officiant pronounces Milena's name wrong, which drives her batty (something new and different). "It's Muh-lay-na! That Mortal Kombat shit drives me nuts!" It's weird that she said that, because Milena is a very small character in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Not that I really know that or anything. ... I have to go.

Okay, so it's the day of their wedding, as is evidenced by the return of the clappy soundtrack. After getting her makeup done, Milena's mom tries sentimentalizing with her, to no avail. "Today is very special for me in my life." Milena: "Yeah, that's great, Ma. Do you have any lip balm? I'm feeling chappy." Geh.

Meanwhile, poor Adi is stuck at home trying to figure out the guest list and seating and all that shit. He has to color-code everything according to what people are eating, and I couldn't care less. This isn't Groomzillas, Bridezillas. ["I care a little, so I will ask: three choices of entrée? If you're going to offer that many different main dishes, just... do a buffet. And thus concludes this week's episode of Vegetarians Obsess Over Wedding Food." -- Sars]

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Bridezillas

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