Alias
Mockingbird

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 12 USERS: A+
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Boobs McPhee: Wonder Whiner

Conference Room of Endless Expositions. Dix is telling the troops that Gordo's getting sloppy in his panicked state. A call he made to a French associate was recorded. In the call, he tells the associate that he needs to retrieve his operational archives and the associate tells him that they're safe at his casino in Monte Carlo. Syd gets an idea. "What'd we do with all that money we seized?" We bought a ticket to Disneyland! Last one on the Matterhorn is a rotten egg! Speaking of lands of make-believe, Sloane's down in his cell, trying to write a letter to his daughter. Dude, she's in a COMA. She's not READING. As Sloane sits there writing, a man watches him from outside the cell. "Having trouble sleeping, Mr. Sloane?" he says. It's Post-Cheating Ethan Hawke. Looks like Sloane's the target Gordo had his eye on. Post-Cheating Ethan Hawke blabbles a bunch of crap at Sloane about Nadia and how he won't be able to save her from inside the penitentiary and how the people he works for may be able to sway the jury in his favor and Sloane just half-lids his eyes and is like, dude? What. Do. You. WANT? Nothing's for free, homie. We don't find out what Post-Cheating Ethan Hawke wants, however, but we can probably guess. One word: Ram-fucking-baldi.

Conference Room of Endless Expositions. They're going over their plan. Marshall comes rolling in and throws some dice down on the table. He's all, look! Seven! Every time! Syd's all, dude? You're not supposed to hit seven in craps. Marshall's all, but…seven! Seven. Seven? …Seven? Hee. He runs off to fix the dice so they roll properly. Syd and Dix are discussing the pass code on the vault, and Boobs pipes up that she can get around the pass code. Everyone looks at her like, huh? Boobs says she can decrypt the algorithm; she just needs access to the building's network. She wants to go with them on the gig.

Aaaaand now we're back to where we started. We get a repeat of everything from the beginning, only this time, when Getty goes to open the trunk of Syd's car, Boobs is lying inside. Heh. She looks up at him and smiles calmly, and he just reaches in and pulls her out. She sets up a PDA on top of the circuit box and goes to work as Getty watches. She turns to him and says that she needs a piece of paper, and he runs off to get it. Syd makes her way to the vault and tells Getty she's ready. He tells Boobs that she'd better get a move on. She shoots him a look. "Do you want to come over here and do the advanced binomial calculus? Because I'd be more than happy to stand there and watch." Hee. Oh, she gets her name back for that one. Welcome to the party, Rachel! This is the point at which Getty gets on the horn and tells Syd that Sidewinder's gonna need a little more time. Rachel gets the code in time, of course, and Syd gets the package. Rachel gets back in the trunk and Getty delivers the car to Syd.

We catch up once again at the ferry and the situation with the magnet in the sky. The difference this time is that Rachel's in the back and we know it and she's hearing everything. Oh, and panicking. Gordo wants Mockingbird or she drops. Syd says he can't drop her because he'll destroy his archives. Gordo says the laptop is a fake and to quit fucking around. Syd finally cops to Mockingbird's whereabouts and says she's in protective custody in a safe house in Philly. Gordo wants her delivered to the 30th Street Station in 30 minutes or less. Wonder if they're late Gordo will get his pizza for free? So Syd gets of the phone with him and then does what any good spy would do: she calls her daddy. Jack orders Marshall to task satellites over Syd's location and then he tells her to route any of Gordo's calls through the Apple Store so they can monitor the situation. "Don't worry," he says, "we'll get you down." "You better," says Syd. Heh. Dix and Getty are heading toward Syd. Syd asks Rachel how she's doing. Rachel's boobs answer, "We're doing fine, and we liked our name better! Fuck Rachel!" Seriously. Her boobs are pulling major focus right here and it's all I can do not to call her Boobs McPhee again, but honestly, it's not her fault she has boobs sticking out of her shirt. I blame Drew Goddard and Frederick Toye. Boob-lovers. BOOB-LOVERS!

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Alias

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