Smallville
Mortal

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An explosion outside Belle Reve opens up a convenient exit for the villains. "Where to..." one of the Festers starts, "...now, boss?" the other finishes. "Smallville," Busey says. The Festers look at each other slyly behind Busey's back. "The gay..." one thinks, "...place!" the other finishes.

Opening credits. (They fixed Kristin Kreuk's name for this airing.)

Commercials. Finally! Reba and Fran Drescher on the same broadcast network! Now I can cancel my DirectTV subscription.

Hey, it's a barn raising! Clark, in his red t-shirt and Bo in his white one are straining and pulling on ropes in the sun. Everyone has gloves on except Bo, which might explain his pained expression. They lift a ginormous set of wood beams. A lot of these guys are shirtless, which explains Clark's participation. The frame goes upright as the womenfolk, children, and elderly men watch. Chloe, you've got muscles. Why are you just standing around watching? Clark and Bo let go of their ropes and rush forward to nail some planks into place. Much hootin' and a-hollerin'. "It's good," Bo assures Clark. "Yeah," he says. Toolbelt afterglow. Clark says that things are a lot heavier than he remembers. Clark, you whiny bitch. Bo tells Clark to learn to pace himself. "You're only human now," he reminds Clark, and pats him on the tummy. Thanks, Dad. Now go get me some Gatorade, old man. Bo wanders off and calls MamaKent for some lemonade, but we only know that because of the closed captions. Chloe approaches. She sticks her hand right in harm's way of a hammer and jokes about the joys of manual labor. Clark says he kind of likes being sore. It's like what happens to his brain when he thinks about stuff. Clark says it makes him feel like he accomplished something. He hammers a piece of wood to itself. "Stupid, stupid plank!" "No pain, no gain, right?" he asks, and hammers his thumb. That wasn't even CGI, folks. All acting. Brilliant. I don't understand why his shelves aren't lined with Emmys. Chloe helps Clark and tells him that being a "mere mortal" has its drawbacks. Clark goes, "Ow!" Chloe looks around, and then asks if this is what Clark really wants. A sore thumb? Of course not, why would you-- oh. Yeah. That. Clark looks over at Lana, who's wearing a skimpy white halter top and a tool belt that has to have a crotch strap and harness clamps because her hips won't hold it up otherwise. She's using a nailgun. Clark says that this is what he's always wanted. His own Tool Time girl. Chloe says that she was talking about Clark, not about his feelings for Lana. Chloe says she just found out her best friend is an alien, and then "presto-change-o," he's just a Kansas farmboy. She sounds just shy of bitter. Clark smugly says that she'll just have to get used to it: this is who he is now. Lana doesn't think it's weird that Chloe and Clark are talking all covertly over here? Chloe says she thinks Clark's destiny is more than milking cows and raising barns. Hey, hey, hey! There's also hay. "Destiny is another word for not having a choice," Clark says. And freedom's just another word for not wearing pants. We get it. Chloe asks about the Kryptonian aliens from last week. "They were looking for Kal-El," Clark says. "They're gone, and so is Kal-El." Still smiling, he asks Chloe to let it go. She just looks worried. "That poor, poor sap," she thinks.

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