Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!

Opening credits. Commercials. Chili's would like to remind you that they cook food on a fucking open flame and bring it to your table sizzling and spitting juices all over your shirt. Next time you want to microwave some flavorless piece of frozen crap for dinner, think about that. Frankly, Chili's can't even stand to look at you right now. Go away.

An ambulance parks in a lot. Paramedics get out of an ambulance just as Clark is arriving. Not on foot, which would make sense, but in the Toyota Tundra, which gets him there about an hour later. MamaKent is already there (maybe she walked instead?) and tells Clark that there was some sort of explosion. Papa Luthor, looking pretty banged up, is unloaded. Wouldn't they want to take someone out of an ambulance closer to the hospital door, not way across the parking lot? Is this the scenic medical care route? MamaKent uses the walking time to tell Papa Luthor that she left Lex a message about the explosion. Papa takes off his oxygen mask and tells her that Lex is still down in the tunnel. "Clark. You have to help him," Papa moans. Papa says Lex is being held hostage. He puts the oxygen mask back on. That's good-ass oxygen. Clark asks if the police know what's going on. Papa says there's no time for that; they need to move now. Clark asks where Lex went. Papa says that even if the police get in, they'll never find him because it's a maze of tunnels. Papa, with the bloody close-up, says that Lex has put something terrible into motion down there and is the only one who can stop it. They wheel Papa Luthor farther into the plot sinkhole that is Smallville Medical Center. Clark gulps. Heroically.

Lex is sitting on the floor of the dank tunnel with his hands behind his back, tied to a pole. A pole. Wet tunnels. Explosions. What about this doesn't Lex like? Explosive Lady, wearing a dark tank top, welcomes Lex back to "sub-civilization." We get to ride in a submarine! This is gonna be so sweet for...oh. Damn. I just figured out what she meant. Lex, down to his white shirt, struggles against his bonds. He asks what happened to his father. He turned nice, and then evil again, but now he's acting nice. We can't figure it out either, Lex. We just like his acting. Explosive Lady says that Papa Luthor's not her problem and was never part of the plan. Explosive Lady, if you got to know Papa, you'd probably feel differently. He makes any plan more cunning. He's a cunninator. Lex asks what she wants. The woman, in the foreground, holds a set of dog tags on a small chain around her neck. "My husband," she says. Is he a C.H.U.D.? Because if so, you're looking in the right place. She says he's a U.S. Special Forces Weapons Sergeant. His name was Wes Keenan. She says he was plucked from the battlefield by LuthorCorp. Lex says that his company has lots of subsidiaries, but they don't have a Human Trafficking 'R Us division.

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