Lost
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The hand that Lockes the cradle

Out on the beach, Claire's doing what I think any nine months pregnant woman is entitled to do: lounging. And since Boone is nowhere to be seen this episode, which is nice (except maybe for the portion of the audience that's swayed by pretty blue-eyed men), Locke needs someone else to harass, so he strolls up and asks Claire if she's free to help him out, since he's working on a project that could use an extra set of hands. She points out her baby-belly-induced lack of mobility, and he asks if she can hold a saw, and she says yes, and he asks if she can move her arm back and forth, like so, and he mimes sawing, like I've never been to Australia but I'M WILLING TO BET THEY HAVE SAWS THERE, LOCKE, and she says, "possibly," and he says she's perfect and he helps her to her feet. She wants to know what they're building, but he doesn't answer her, at least not that we see.

In the jungle, Sayid confronts Jack: "Where is it?" Jack has no idea what he's talking about. Sayid's looking for Rousseau's map, and Jack says he doesn't have it. Isn't Sayid supposed to be smart? I mean, Hurley woke him up to discuss the notes and all that, so he'd be the logical suspect. Well, he is, but Sayid just thinks Jack was making Hurley do his dirty work for him. Jack gives him a blank look. "You don't know anything about this, do you," says Sayid. Fortunately, at least for Hurley-finding purposes, Charlie wanders by, and Jack asks him if he's seen Hurley. Charlie says he saw him a couple of hours ago. "Acting like a loon, I might add," says Charlie. Well, you would know, Charlie. "My god, he's going after her," says Sayid.

So the three stooges pony up to go after him, and Shannon asks when Sayid's coming back. "If we can catch up to him, before nightfall," says Sayid. Look, at the risk of sounding indelicate...I mean, it's not like I've run any marathons myself lately, but I can't imagine Hurley's making great time. Look! There he is! Just down the beach aways! You'll be back in twenty minutes. Sayid smirkingly asks if Shannon's worried about him, and she snottily asks so what if she is, and he touches her cheek and says he'll be fine, and I guess this is supposed to be sweet or something.

Hurley's trudging don't the beach, with some loud rap music playing with which I am not familiar, and it's "everybody with me" and "drinks on me" and this kind of thing and I tried to Google the lyrics, but was unsuccessful, although I did find what might be the only Website where someone has posted, for some reason, lyrics to songs by Toby Keith, 50 Cent, Kenny Chesney, and Eminem. Plus it has an eagle on it, that may or may not have clutched in its talons a missile that's being rammed up the butt of Osama bin Laden. But Hurley's not listening to the song; it's thumping out of the new yellow Hummer he's driving down the street, at least until his mom asks him to turn the noise down, and I have a hard time believing she didn't ask that before they were even to the end of the driveway. She looks kind of sour, and wants to know where he's taking her, since he knows she doesn't like surprises. Hurley, dressed in a stylin' yellow and black track suit (matches the Hummer!), says she'll like this one, especially with all she's been through, like "Grandpa." Mama crosses herself. At the funeral, Father Aguilar was apparently struck by lightning. "Man, that was a freak storm," says Hurley. But wait, there's more! "Diego moving back home, after Lisa left him for that...waitress," says Hurley. It's the pause that kills me, although Mama yelling, "Don't mention that whore to me!" was kind of funny. "I'm just saying, you deserve something good to happen," he says. Mama lifts her eyebrows in a way that says, "Yeah, I totally do, but I'm not going to say so." Hurley's quiet for a moment before pointing out that ever since he won the lottery, bad things have been happening. "Like I don't know, the money's cursed or something." Mama smacks him -- and man, nothing hurts like when your mom smacks you, does it? -- and calls it blasphemy, since they're Catholic and don't believe in curses. No, we Catholics believe in all kinds of crazy shit, just not curses. Hurley says he's just talkin'. Then he says they're almost there and gives his mother a red bandana and tells her to put it on. Holy shit! He took his mother to drive-by some Crips? Here I am going "awwww" again.

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