Smallville
Onyx

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Tag-team Lex

Bo and MamaKent finally show up. They find Clark beaten up and bloody. Lex is coming down the barn stairs. "I'm guessing that doesn't happen very often," he says. Bo is angry. Lex pulls a gun. He praises the Kents for keeping their secret for so long. He suggests maybe the Luthors and Kents have something in common. Bo notices the ring. "Yeah!" Lex says suddenly. This guy's awesome. "I knew about green meteor rock!" MamaKent asks what he wants. "The world, Mrs. Kent," he says. Lex insists they talk some sense into Clark before something bad happens. Something bad happens. He shoots Bo right in the knee! Daaaaamn! That's cold-blooded! "Like that," EvilLex says. Clark goes after him but is kept at bay by the green ring. Lex tells Bo that he was right all along. "I am the villain of this story," EvilLex says. Uh, all right. Whatever you say, Evil Nasty Meany. Clangy music plays us to commercials.

Jade Empire. 9.9-rated. No word yet on what it'll do to your nibblies.

Smallville Medical -- oh, god-dammit! "Two Lexes," Bo Duke is saying. Make it one Lexus and a scooter bike. Bo Duke is suffering from a GSW, yet there are no cops asking him questions. Curious. "How the hell did that happen?" Bo is asking. The two Lexes? The Lexii? Lexum? Lex(2)? Lex x 10(2)? ["'Lices'? 'Leges'? Sorry, Latin geek moment." -- Sars] Clark explains that he thinks Lex was affected by black Kryptonite. Which is sad for Clark, because once you go black Kryptonite… "How did Lex get a hold of black Kryptonite?" MamaKent asks. Black Kryptonite Tail magazine? Clark says he thinks Lex accidentally created the "Black K." Solid. Clark suddenly realizes how he can put the plural of Lex back together. "Hooow?" Bo asks, sounded pretty exhausted by all this plot. Clark sputters about another Lex being held captive and…oh, he's out the door already. Bo and MamaKent don't even bother to try to keep up with this one.

Clark super-zips into the Lair of Lex (er, Lairs of the Two-Lex?). Clark uses his supersonic ears to hear Lex grunting. Clark knows the sound well.

We cut to PansyLex, throwing punches in the air against his shackles. He's still iron-masked. Clark takes a moment to enjoy the grunting, then super-zips to find GoodLex. He unbinds him. Removes the mask. Sweaty, but good. PansyLex tries to warn Clark to get out. Just then EvilLex walks up with his green ring. He tosses Clark toward some boxes. Even with his diminished powers, that doesn't look like it would hurt too much. EvilLex calls Clark predictable for coming to the rescue. GoodLex stands up suddenly. "Leave him alone!" he says. Leave him to…uh…US! EvilLex says he's starting to hate the sound of his own voice. He elbows GoodLex in the face. GoodLex goes down. And not in the good way. EvilLex tells Clark he offered him greatness. He wants Clark to remember this day. Clark tries to punch, but EvilLex catches his fist. EvilLex wants Clark to remember that despite all his powers, one man was able to beat him. He smacks Clark across the face. EvilLex spots a sword. "Maybe this was always our destiny," he says, "how sad." He swings the sword. GoodLex strangles him in mid-swing from behind. "Let's see what happens to me if you die," GoodLex says. They struggle. EvilLex elbows GoodLex again. "You can't kill me!" he yells and punches GoodLex in the gut. "I drive you!" More punching. "I give your life meaning!" Screaming: "I'm your soul, you weak, pathetic little man. I'm the real Lex Luthor!" Yikes! EvilLex screams, about to punch GoodLex in the face with his ring. Clark eyejaculates at the dual Lexes (that's gotta be straight out of somebody's fan fic) and aims at the ring. The ring swirls and turns purple. EvilLex starts to scream. The bodies of the Lexes start to shake and shimmy in CGI. They come together, and just past each other. The bodies writhe and scream. There's a blinding white flash. A single Lex is left on the floor. Clark goes to help. "Lex," Clark says. Lex wakes up. "It's all right. It's over now," Clark says. But is it?

Dirty-looking power plant, daytime. Clark walks up to Lex where the formerly split guy is brooding over the wreckage of the lab. Clark says it's not much to look at. "Broken dreams seldom are," Lex says, sadly. Lex thanks Clark, but says words seem too small. How about some deeds, then? Lex says without Clark, he'd have been lost. "You're a true friend," Lex says. Clark says it's too bad Lex's other half didn't think so. Lex apologizes for what "he" put Clark through. Clark asks how much Lex remembers. "Nothing, really," Lex says; he says once they divided, they were two different people. It would be smart if he were lying here. Clark suggests Lex go talk to Lana when he gets a chance. How about going to see Chloe first to apologize for trying to kill her? Oh, wait, I forgot what show I'm recapping. Sorry, Lana. Lex asks if the other guy hurt Lana. Clark says she seemed pretty upset. Lex scoffs. Clark says not to be too hard on himself. Lex says that's what he's trying to figure out -- whether the accident created an EvilLex or if that's what's inside of him. Thoughtful moment.

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