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KentFan: The Killening

Clark says, innocently, that KentFan didn't do this. Chloe and Lois exchange a "God, Clark is an idiot" look that I'd normally be right behind. Clark tells them that KentFan has been wearing a lead bracelet that prevents her from teleporting. I thought the bracelet was broken. Lois spews, "Did she also happen to be wearing something low-cut when she spun you that tale, because I'm not sure you're thinking with your big brain here!" First of all: shut the fuck up, Lois. Second: low-cut tops? Thy name is Lois Lane. Third: "big brain"? Just do it, Clark. Nobody's going to see it. Just...SMACK! Clark rolls his eyes slowly and angrily and looks over to Chloe. Chloe translates Lois's dialogue from Bitch to English: she says that just because KentFan says the bracelet limits her abilities doesn't mean it's true. Clark says that KentFan was with him when Lana was attacked. Lois asks if Clark was watching her every second. Sure, the teleporting may have just taken a second, but the attacking would have been a bit longer. Chloe says that KentFan can transport more easily than Captain Kirk. So, teens of America, wanna make some more old pop-culture reference? How about some B.J. and the Bear? Maybe a little My Three Sons? Oh, I know! They should compare someone to Joey Bishop. Lois says that KentFan did try to carve a "Jack-O-Lana" before: "Cut and dry -- emphasis on the 'cut'!" Oh my God, I'm going to stop right here. Just...just...I never thought I'd say this, but I hate Lois much more than I hate Lana right now. Just shut up, Lois! Your guest stint must be over by now. Just go! Clark glances inside Lana's exam room. She's ignoring him. Jason steps out. He tells Clark that Lana doesn't want to see him. Literally. She's looking everywhere except at Clark. Tinkly music of sadness plays.

Kent Kitchen. Sheriff Cheshire is talking to Clark. She says she's getting a funny sense of "deja-view" here. Flipping through her notepad, she asks if they haven't acted out this particular charade before. No, that was Scattergories. Clark lays it all out. He says that KentFan was with him and didn't attack Lana. Sheriff Cheshire, whom I just noticed has a much older lower face than upper face, says she'd better not find out that Clark is covering for his girlfriend; his alibi is the only thing keeping KentFan's "tail" from "jail." Huh. I guess the tail is a meteor power bonus. Meaningful looks are exchanged. Bo shows the sheriff out. Clark complains that the sheriff already has KentFan tried and convicted. Bo says that the sheriff has a point. A woodsy, sarcastic point. "First Las Vegas, now an assault charge," says MamaKent, with her phaser set to "Shrill." "What are you doing with this girl, Clark?" Clark spins and says that KentFan didn't do this. Bo says that Clark's girlfriend has mental problems, and that their relationship isn't healthy: "Why can't you see that?" You know what else isn't healthy? Bacon every morning. Clark complains that his parents always told him to look for the good in people. Oh, baby, that was just crib talk. Clark says that KentFan deserves a second chance. Wasn't her second chance last week? MamaKent interrupts Bo in the pre-platitude windup, and asks why Clark would continue seeing her when he knows how they feel. Because he's not dating you, Mother. Clark says that KentFan has kept his secret, and got shot protecting him. Those are pretty good reasons. "What else does she have to do to prove herself?" Clark whines. Oral? MamaKent asks, "What if she did this?" Did? Didn't? Is? Isn't? Let's not start this up again this week. Clark looks hurt and confused. At the same time, even. Bo stands stoically. "Yeah. What she said."

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