Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
If Music Be The Food Of Love
Irina: Girl's gotta have her standards.

Kendall turns to the Spysketeers: "I'm going to recommend to the Defense Department an immediate air strike. When the smoke clears we can dig the warheads out of the rubble." Irina simpers, "I wouldn't do that. Now that the PRF has the control codes, they may have set the warheads to detonate in the event of sabotage or a preemptive strike." Oh, wow. The way Lena Olin says "sabotage" is quite unlike the way any human being should EVER say "sabotage." Seriously. She turns the word into something almost sexual. How does she DO that?

Vaughn's all, what if we send in a commando unit? Irina's all, yeah, that would be a great idea. If, you know, they were familiar with the facility. Syd's all, that's what you were planning on doing, wasn't it? Irina looks at her daughter with glittering eyes. "Yes," she says simply. Spy Daddy's all, that's impossible to verify. Syd just looks at him like, okay, you know what? Drop it with the jealous routine already. If I've asked you once, I've asked you A THOUSAND TIMES, get a different act, Jerry Lewis. Because this shit ain't flying with me anymore.

Kendall's all, all righty then. You're leading us into the facility, bitch. Irina's all, oh no I'm not, you governmental goofball. My offer expired the exact moment that SD-6 got the codes. Kendall's all, may I remind you that your immunity, such as it is, is contingent upon your continued cooperation? "I have cooperated, Agent Kendall," Irina spits, looking like she could actually shoot sharp objects out of her eyeballs. "You didn't listen. Now, if you'd bring me my pillow and blanket..." Kendall's all, no YOU listen, you sexy little scorpion -- at this point, Kendall and Irina are ready to either enter into a rather savory batch of sumo wrestling or a particularly unsavory session of naked skin Olympics. And, before you even say it, EW!

Before they can do anything, however, Syd breaks in and requests an audience alone with her mother. Everyone leaves, including Jack. But only after he snaps a few Pursed Lips Specials Sydney's way. After they leave, Irina starts to apologize, but Syd cuts her off saying, "You said you didn't tell us the truth because you were trying to protect me, because you didn't want to risk Sark finding out that I was a double agent. The thing is, someone now has the ability to detonate six nuclear weapons and I am responsible. So I am going to be part of the team that finds and disarms those warheads no matter what you do. But if you were telling the truth when you said you wanted to protect me, then, Mom...I need your help." Spy Mommy tears up at this plea, and she's either a very good actress or she actually DOES care about Sydney.

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