Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
If Music Be The Food Of Love

Syd forces Sark over onto the side of the road. Considering that her behemoth of a car could probably EAT his, it's not surprising that he pulls over rather quickly. They slink over to each other and Sark's all, come to wish me luck, hot stuff? Or did you want to discuss how I might spill the beans on that whole "you conspired to kill Sloane" thing? Syd's all, save it, Sister Souljah. I'm here to remind you of the bleeding obvious: You burn me, I burn you right back. Sark regards Sydney coolly. "Sydney, I couldn't reveal to Sloane that you conspired to kill him without also revealing my involvement. Of course, I never had any intention of going through with it. I simply needed to gain his trust." Okay, how good is David Anders at that Brit accent? The guy's from OREGON, people! But his accent is FLAWLESS. And his eyes are pretty. And he has extremely lickable lips. Sigh. I miss my ex-boyfriend Sark. I miss him so very much. What'd I do with those plaid boxers he left behind...

Syd just sneers at him. "You know what I think? You're just a dog. Looking for a new master." Sark doesn't even react. "No need to worry, Sydney," he smirks, "we're colleagues now." He gives her this rather sweet smile that pretty much says, "I am SO your brother, and because I'm younger and hotter than you, Mom likes me best." Syd starts to walk away, having spent far too much time and energy in order to simply say what amounts to "I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you" to her sniveling snit of a baby bro. Sarkie just laconically watches her go and cheerily calls, "See you at the office!" Syd is NOT amused.

Subbasement Of Dreams And Desires -- Except Without The Pseudo-Sexual Vibe Because It's Only Spy Daddy And Spy Barbie Down Here Right Now. Pops and Princess are discussing Sloane and Sarkie's little "agreement." Syd's all, okay, there is NO way that Sloane would team up with that little blonde pisher if there weren't something in it for him. Do YOU have any clue what he's after? Jack's all, well, this is SARK we're talking about here. For all we know, he could be offering to procure the entire Swedish women's ski team for use as Sloane's personal sex slaves. "What concerns me more," says Jack, "is that your mother knew we were double agents before she turned herself in. She may have told Sark." Uh-oh. Syd says she'll find out whether Irina spilled it or not. "Before you do," he warns, "consider this -- two months ago she surrendered to the CIA. Yesterday, Sark made a backdoor agreement with Sloane that places him inside SD-6. Do you believe that's just a coincidence?" Syd just looks at her father and makes a mental note to brush her teeth before the next time she sees Vaughn, just in case he manages to pull his head out of his ass and lay one on her.

Conference Room Of Endless Expositions. Agent All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun is addressing the troops about the whole "Sark surrenders" scenario. "As you know, Mr. Sark surrendered to us last week. After an extensive debriefing with McCullough, we've concluded he can provide us with credible intel. Enough, in fact, to warrant an immunity deal in exchange for his cooperation." Dixon speaks up and is relatively passionate and indignant about the merging of Sloane and Sark. Dixon's all, dude? He murdered hundreds of people for profit. Hooking up with him CAN'T be a good idea. Aw. It's so cute how Dixon doesn't think Sloane murders people for profit. Syd pipes up that she agrees with Dixon. General Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is all, yeah, well, I don't really CARE if you agree with Dixon, okay? We've got a plan in place to address your stupid-ass concerns. Spy Daddy then explains the Sark Non-Sneak Insurance Program. Basically, none of Sark's contacts will be informed that Sark's turned himself in. So, starting right this minute, whenever Sarkie leaves the premises, he'll be accompanied by a security section team that will double as his private detail, in order to ensure that ol' Sarkie Boy doesn't violate his agreement with SD-6.

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