Alias
Passage, Part II

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National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation

SRINAGAR. A bazaar. Will and Grace's neighbour, Mr. Zamir, wanders through the marketplace in a turban, nodding at acquaintances as he goes. When he gets to (presumably) his own stall, he sees the Bristows, all tricked out in their black guerrilla gear, waiting for him. Mr. Zamir recognizes Jack and greets him warmly. Jack says they need Mr. Zamir's help. Mr. Zamir observes that "no one can see [them] dressed like this," by which I assume he means that if anyone did, the Bristows' cover would be blown, and not, say, that their dress makes them invisible. Though I'm sure Marshall is working on a Cloak Of Invisibility back at SD-6 even as they speak.

Mr. Zamir closes the batik sheet that encloses his stall -- because now their stronghold is totally impenetrable; there's no way a terrorist will be able to find his way through a sheet -- and he and Jack make small talk. He makes a lame joke, at which Sydney smiles politely. Mr. Zamir starts to ask her, "Are you who I think...?" and then asks Jack, "Is she yours?" Irina lets pass the opportunity to reply, "As far as he knows." Instead, she allows herself a subtle, proud smile. Jack says that Sydney is his daughter. Mr. Zamir tells Sydney, "He always brags about you. He showed me a picture once --" Sydney starts to stand up straighter, looking interested, but before Mr. Zamir can elaborate on what a sappy dad Jack is outside Sydney's company, Jack interrupts, telling Mr. Zamir what they're doing and what stuff they'll need. Mr. Zamir tries to press the point about Sydney, and Jack is all, "MISTER Zamir!" and then they stare at each other for a few seconds before Mr. Zamir backs down. He tells Jack he'll be able to hook them up with some of what they want, but not all: his main supplier is dead. "Saresh was killed?" Jack asks, shocked. "Heart attack," says Mr. Zamir, adding, "We are old men, Jack. We don't live forever -- especially in Kashmir." Jack looks annoyed at the "we" part of Mr. Zamir's statement, but doesn't comment. Mr. Zamir will get them aliases, basic weapons, and access to satellite phones and transportation. He asks what they're up against; Irina explains: "Biometric sensors, dual infrared passive and microwave sensors, fiber optics on the fence." Mr. Zamir asks their time frame; Irina says they're already behind schedule. Mr. Zamir soft-sells them, saying he'll do what he can but it may not be enough. Jack insists that they'll take whatever Mr. Zamir can provide. Irina's head whips around to look at Jack, as if she's spoiling for an argument, but he shoots her a look and she turns back, saying nothing. Mr. Zamir opens a cupboard, saying, "First thing: you need to be looking not like you." "Yay, disguises!" squeals my sister, Toque.

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