House
Paternity

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Re: Lax

Cuddy yells at House for winning his bet with a $3200 DNA test. Who is going to pay for this? House says that they can bill it to Dan's insurance. Cuddy says that is ridiculous. House says it isn't; without that DNA test and the adoption revelation, they never would have figured out what was wrong with Dan. He thinks that Cuddy is doing this to get out of paying up. Cuddy says she is more than happy to let House out of clinic duty -- after he pays her for that DNA test. House steps up to the desk and slams his cane down on it. Cuddy laughs at the display. Both hands free, House whips out his wallet and throws a bunch of hundreds on the desk -- money he won from all those bets he had with the rest of the cast. It only seems to cover about a third of that bill, though, so it looks like House is going to have to a little paying out of pocket.

Poor, poor Dan wakes up from his awful, awful surgery. Cameron and Foreman report that he got through surgery and seems to be improving already. Foreman asks him to name as many animals as he can that start with the letter O. Dan, experienced as he is with this test, says ostrich, ox...and old elephant. Cameron smiles and asks Dan how he's doing with the whole being-adopted discovery. Dan says he knew since fifth grade: he has a cleft chin and both his parents don't. The internet told Dan that this meant he was almost definitely adopted. Foreman is all pissed off that he missed that. House, who is out $2000 because of that DNA test, will probably also be pissed that a kid he called stupid figured something out when he was ten that Dr. House did not. And poor Dan! When he was mad at his parents, he probably entertained fantasies that his biological parents were actually royalty or professional athletes, and that they would find him and bring him to their castle/mansion and he would get everything he ever wanted, but he really got was crazy measles. The anxious parents run into the room and ask how Dan is doing. Cameron says he'll be fine. Yeah, for, like, three years at the most. Then things will get pretty crappy. Rickie Lee Jones's "On Saturday Afternoons in 1963" starts to play as the happy non-biological family smile at each other.

The music continues as we cut to a lacrosse game. On the sidelines stands a man with a cane. It's House, and he's wearing a snappy little golf cap and a cool leather jacket. He cheers player number 18 (it isn't Dan; he wore a different number and had a different uniform) on with a "wheels, 1-8, wheels!" showing that he's familiar enough with the sport to know the lingo. 18 scores a goal. The crowd cheers wildly, and even House has to smile. Then he remembers that he HAS A BAD LEG and he's sad. The camera slowly spins around him, and suddenly there is no crowd, and no lacrosse game. I'm not sure if we're supposed to think that House was imagining things, remembering his own lacrosse games of yore (doubtful, considering the modern equipment the players had), or just got so lost in feeling sorry for himself that by the time he snapped out of it, the game had ended and everyone else had gone home. Whatever it is, we're left with an empty field, a sad, old man, and a sad, old song.

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House

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