Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
"Where Are You Going? You Have No Pants!"

Sofia: "Both, really. In like equal amounts."

Then she goes careening down the hallway in search of more wine, and... I just love her. I love that Sofia Bowers, so much. I don't know that anybody has ever made as much sense to me as this lady, except for maybe like certain Cylons.


Is, of course, a sex tape.

Joanna: "Jesus, Vivian. SMH."

But then it turns into something else. Vivian's lover is not into making a sex tape, so she has to explain that it's for posterity.

Vivian: "Not so my best friend can find it on the roof later after my murder, of course, but when we are old and want to remember how hot we used to be."
Man: "That makes sense. Let's make a sex tape, I guess."
Joanna: "Even in this inappropriate context, her beauty gives me feelings of grief."
Vivian: "My boobs are already bigger, did you notice? And do you want a boy or a girl?"
Joanna: "-- Hold up, what?"
Man: "Doesn't matter, as long as it looks like you."
Joanna: "Ugh, parenting. Babies. Pregnancy. Here comes the weirdness of feelings..."
Man, verbatim: "Hey, it's gonna be different this time. It's gonna be on your terms..."

Joanna: "Will, I have very important information. Either I just watched some seriously fucked-up, next-level porn, or this is Chinatown..."

Hold that thought, because Remy is outside in a tree, snappin' photos. Joanna chases him down, hilariously, and the whole time he's like, politely asking her to stop beating him up, and she keeps telling him to leave Mia alone, but in the scuffle he realizes she's a cop -- due to her cop badge she's just kind of wearing around the house where she's pretending she isn't a cop -- and they just kind of stare at each other for a second.

Joanna: "Well, shit."


During the commercial, Joanna took Remy to some kind of lovely tapas place with canvas tents and twinkle lights, and is now using a stapler -- a stapler he happens to carry with him, note -- to staple her shirt together so nobody else will figure out she's a cop? Again, something that maybe made more sense before this pilot was edited down, but now just seems pretty bonkers.

Joanna: "So who are you with, TMZ?"
Remy: "How about you? FBI? Cop?"
Joanna: "All of the above, but I'll be asking the questions here. You're the guy I just caught taking pictures of a fifteen year old girl."

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