Smallville
Pilot

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 2 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
A Pilot Doesn't Have to Fly

In front of Lana's house, Clark and Lana say their goodnights. Lana tells him that it's the longest conversation they've ever had. And they live next door to each other? Didn't they have to borrow some manure or grain at some point in their lives? Clark asks if she's gong to the dance. Of course, she's going with Jocko. Clark says he plans to sit it out. In the sky, upside down. Lana tells Clark that if he changes his mind, she might save him a dance. She kisses him on the cheek and he superblushes. As Supermope walks off, we notice that Jocko has been standing on the porch watching the whole time.

Creepy Luthor Manor. Clark is walking down a dank corridor, calling out for someone. He ends up in a room where Lex and a woman are fencing. Frustrated by a defeat, Lex throws his pointy stick across the room where it lodges into the wall next to Clark. "I didn't see you there," Lex says, taking off his mask. "How did you get through the gate?" Lex asks. Clark says he squeezed through the bars. Lex shows off some real charm here, talking about the Luthor ancestral home, which was shipped from Scotland stone by stone. "My father had no intention of living here," Lex says. He only shipped it because he could. Lex asks about the truck. Clark tells him he can't keep it. "Clark. You saved my life. I think it's the least I can do," Lex says. Then he asks if Clark's dad doesn't like him. Oh, Lex, I'm sure Bo will accept your relationship with Clark someday. He's slashy, too, remember? Patience. Lex pats his bald head. "I'm used to people judging me before they get to know me." Lex asks weird probing questions, like if Clark fell far from the tree of his dad. "Do you believe a man can fly?" Lex asks out of nowhere. "On a plane," Clark answers, and follows it up, "People can't fly." Lex says he flew during the accident, way over Smallville, when his heart stopped. "It was the most exhilarating two minutes of my life. For the first time, I didn't see a dead end. I saw a new beginning." He says that Clark gave him a second chance. Then, piercingly, he gazes at Clark in adoration and says, "We have a future together, Clark." In bed. "I don't want anything to stand in the way of our friendship," Lex concludes. Wow.

Out in town, Chloe and Pete are wondering about the third guy electrocuted in a week; they watch as he's taken out in a stretcher. These intrepid kids have figured out that all three victims were jocks. In a Kansas football town? How astute of them. They notice Scarecrow Boy; somehow nobody else sees when Chloe whips out a huge digital camera and takes a picture of the guy, right up in his face. Is Scarecrow Boy electrified and blind? It must be one of those new invisible digital cameras. Next thing, the show turns into Roswell. Chloe has dug up the guy's yearbook photo and compared it with her digital snap. She, Pete, and Clark all see it's impossible, because the guy hasn't aged in twelve years. Chloe has also figured out that Scarecrow Boy just disappeared from a hospital. All of a sudden it's Supersleuths: The Series. Excuse me while I yak. Chloe says the guy is still young because he had a massive electrolyte imbalance. Yeah. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? Chloe has managed to find out that the hospital's generator went down during a storm, and that, in the interim, Scarecrow Boy came out of a twelve-year coma and escaped, endowed with electrical powers. This is like a whole other show, now. An awful one. They've also made the connection with the Scarecrow incident. Chloe shows off her "Wall of Weird," and how all these crazy things have happened since the meteor shower, when the town "went schizo." At this moment, I hate this show with the white-hot passion of a million Kryptons. Save me, Wing Chun. Save me!

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Smallville

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