Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 2 USERS: C-
A Pilot Doesn't Have to Fly

Wing Chun: Omar. Fear not. It's time we told you the truth.
Omar: The truth?
Wing Chun: We are not of this Earth.
Omar: If you've got some crack, would you mind sharing it with me?
Wing Chun: We come from a planet far away where the pain of bad television can be withstood on a superhuman level. I am not Wing Chun. I am Chun-El. You, my friend, Are Om-El.
Omar: Ew. Can I just go by Omar?
Wing Chun: Yeah, sure, whatever. Never forget your origin. One day we will return to our home planet. We will escape this painful world, after we have destroyed its bad television.
Omar: What's our homeworld like?
Wing Chun: Like Melrose Place, but sexier. It's called Recapton.

Back at the wall of weird, Clark sees a picture of Lana as a child, bawling. It's the cover of Time magazine with the headline "Heartbreak in the Heartland." "It's my fault," Clark moans. "It's all my fault." He runs off. Mopily.

Supermope goes to mope outside, but is pulled back by the shoulder. It's Jocko. He wants payback. And this time it's personal. And since there was no first time, it's really personal. "You're this year's scarecrow," Jocko says. "Don't mess with me," Clark tells him, but Jocko's got the kryptonite necklace, so when Clark punches, he's weaker than James Van Der Beek. Clark gets slammed to the ground. "What's going on with you and Lana?" Jocko asks. "Nuthin'," Clark says. Jocko notices Clark eyeing the necklace. He takes it off and puts it around Clark's neck. Jocko and his friends dump Clark into the back of their truck. Scarecrow Boy looks on without a hint of menace. Although I'm sure he's trying.

Now it's time for the bit we all saw in the previews: Clark, spray-painted and hung out in the dark in the corn field. He's got the glowing necklace around his neck. My AP English teacher from high school is yelling in my ear, "CHRIST FIGURE!" Hey, there's Scarecrow Boy! "Help me," Clark moans at him. Scarecrow Boy bitches that the pain and humiliation never stops. But instead of helping Clark, he walks off. "Where you going?" Clark asks. Scarecrow Boy says he's going to the dance, and that Clark will be safer in the corn field. He's going to go all Carrie on the high-school dance.

Lex is driving out of a Luthor fertilizer plant right near the corn field when he sees Scarecrow Boy crouching near the road. Lex flashes back, in sepia tones, to the day he lost his hair, and Scarecrow Boy asked for help. Lex gets out of his car and looks toward the corn. "Help me," he hears, taking him back to his childhood trauma. This time, though, it's his superluuuuurve strung up like a scarecrow. "Clark?" Lex calls, when he finds him. He starts pulling his pal down from the pole. "Who did this to you?" Lex asks. Clark falls on the ground and the necklace comes loose. Suddenly, Clark feels a surge of power, which we get through a "whoosh!" sound effect. Lex tells Clark he needs to see a doctor. "At least let me give you a ride!" Yeah, we saw how well that worked out last time, when Clark was involuntarily given a ride into a creek. Clark runs off -- to save the dance, of course. Lex spots the kryptonite necklace on the ground and picks it up, curiously.

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