Smallville
Pilot

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 2 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
A Pilot Doesn't Have to Fly

Football field. Players are playing. Cheerleaders are cheering, led by the slinky Lana. She smiles a lot, but she's no Kirsten Dunst. We see Clark up in the stands, writing in a notebook, brooding. He wants it so bad. Suddenly, we're in Lame Dreamland. Clark is the quarterback. The crowd's going wild. Seven seconds left in the game. A bunch of tacklers run his way. Supermope pushes all four of them off and they go flying like he's Crouching Clark, Hidden Jockstrap. Supermope runs, avoids tackles, leaps over defenders like the Iron Monkey, and finishes in the end zone. Sadly, no SuperEndZoneDance. He does spike the ball, causing it to explode. Lana runs up and says, "I knew you could do it, Clark." They move in to kiss...

...and are interrupted by Sneaky Pete, who asks Clark, "How do I look?" He's wearing a uniform that hangs on him like a pile of even smaller football players. "Like a tackle dummy," Clark tells him. "Good luck." Clark walks off, and Pete looks mad.

Porsche drivin' in the USA. Some crap alt-rock plays as Lex speeds down the road. For no good reason, Supermope is standing on a bridge, pondering his awful life. A big rig is also passing by, and from its rear, a big length of coiled wire falls into the road. Lex drives. Wire rolls. Lex gets a call on his cell phone. He fumbles with his coat pocket, trying to answer the phone, and it is then that he notices the wire in the road. He swerves, runs over the wire, moves the car, and there's Clark in the windshield. The car busts through the bridge rail, hitting Clark and taking him, with the Porsche, into the water. It really is a spectacular shot, I've gotta say.

In the water, Lex is unconscious. His flip cell phone floats lazily next to him. Clark opens up the roof of the Porsche like a tin of sardines. Next thing, we're on the shore already with Clark giving Lex mouth-to-mouth. Did he even check for breathing first? Okay, slash fiction writers, get to work. "Don't die on me!" Clark grunts, as he does chest compressions on Lex. Uh, Clark? You're no Ed Harris. Lex turns over, spits out a chest full of water, and coughs. He opens his eyes and sees a wet, brooding Clark Kent. Well, hello rescue squad! "I coulda sworn I hit you," Lex says. "You did. Hit me," Clark tells him. They both are surprised. Clark looks up at the bridge and sees the twisted wreckage of the guard rail. He's pretty super, huh?

Back at the bridge scene. Bo runs up to Clark to see if he's okay. Clark is wrapped in a red blanket. Okay then. "Who's the maniac who was driving that car?" Bo booms. "Lex Luthor," Lex says, trying to shake Bo's hand like it's a cocktail party. Bo doesn't take Lex's hand. Instead, he takes off his rugged coat and ruggedly puts it over Clark. Lex says that Clark saved his life. "I'm sure you would have done the same thing," Supermope says. Lex asks Bo if there's any way he can repay him. "Drive slower," Bo says, and takes his son home. As they walk off, the blanket pokes out from the jacket to look like a red cape. Great. Fine. We get it. Lex looks back and sees his ruined Porsche being pulled from the water by a crane. He's in luuuuurve.

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Smallville

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