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Prelude to a Flop

Everyone goes to get in their places and Rebecca asks Karen how she is. Karen, being a blundering child, asks point-blank if Rebecca is sleeping with Derek. Rebecca's like, "I'm sorry, did you have dibs?" Karen explains about Ivy and Rebecca says she didn't know, then asks, "Which one is Ivy again?" Karen mealy-mouths, "I just didn't want anyone to get hurt." To which Rebecca, quite rightly, replies, "Then let's get out of show business." Indeed. I'm surprised no one has told her that it ain't show friends.

Guys, The Vow is coming out on Blu-ray oh my god!! My friend Jesse has a theory about how Channing Tatum is winning 2012 and he kind of is. He'd really lock it up if he showed up next week playing Mickey Mantle.

At the theater, Derek is standing on stage, reflecting. Probably on Rebecca's boobs. Karen and Ivy are all done up in their Norma Jeane hair and Michael is frantically cramming. The flawlessly combed DiMaggio hair just does not work on him. Julia doesn't seem to mind and stares lustfully at him from the wings. As the audience filters in, Eileen stage-whispers, "Showtime!" and tells Julia and Tom she's going to watch from the mezzanine. She heads for the stairs and there's Nick, who has a broken wrist. She asks what happened and he says, "A bit of an altercation." Man, Nick is going to end up in cement shoes, is he not? Maybe they can write it into the show that after Marilyn sings for JFK, he asks his buddy Sinatra to have the producer's boyfriend bumped off.

The overture begins and Karen's on the phone muttering for Dev to pick up. Ivy, being a good team player, drags her out of the dressing room to ensure she doesn't miss her cue. Derek watches nervously as the curtain goes up. Rebecca begins singing "Fade in on a girl..." and Tom whispers to Julia, "So far, so good." Julia is all pessimism pants, replying, "It just started." Rebecca actually handles her two big belt notes (on "Norma Jeane's gone, she's moving oooonnnnn") pretty well.

We skip to the end of "The 20th Century Fox Mambo." Dull Leo and Shrek applaud. Karen checks her phone again, fruitlessly. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is still kind of, you know, bland, livened up by Rebecca screwing up her blocking (or Michael making an error that forces her to screw it up) and moving out of the light. Back in the dressing room, she's bitching to her makeup lady about Michael while the boys sing "Don't Say Yes Until I Finish Talking" with Actual Darryl Zanuck (instead of Tom, who made a fine Substitute Zanuck). I am pleased to say the chorus boys are now wearing just towels. They look like the cast of 300 and it's quite nice. Because it's about time this show threw a bone to the straight ladies and gay men.

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