Episode Report Card
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Big Superman On Campus

Chloe walks outside, calling for Lois and announcing that she needs Lois's pass to get into the dorm. She's just now figuring that out? She sees the Vladillac speed off. She calls again for Lois. She spots Lois's broken sunglasses on the street. They've been run over. "Lois," Chloe says sadly.

Commercials. The Starlet. Let me get this straight. You have to sleep with Faye Dunaway to be a star now?

Chloe finds Clark on campus. She tells him she thinks Luke took Lois. "Where?" Clark asks. Chloe, who has two duck pelts on either shoulder, tells Clark what happened and adds that she tried to get help from the police, but they were no help because they worship Luke. Clark thinks they can track him down through his car. Clark tells Chloe that the car has a "TripStar" chip in it. Clark says if they can get the PIN, they can use Chloe's cell phone and computer to hack into the system. Uh, sure. You do that, Clark. Chloe asks how they'll get the PIN. She says they keep them under lock and key at the dealership: "What are you going to do, break in and rip open the safe?" You really think they keep those in a safe? Most car dealerships have sad little file cabinets with hand-written IOUs for replacing a bad door handle or whatnot. But then, I don't know what security is like at Vladillac Motors. Clark takes a long pause. "Of course not," he finally says. Chloe and Clark exchange awkward glances.

Streets of Metropolis. Somewhere below ground, Luke is carrying a stiff Lois down a murky corridor. If it were Lana, she wouldn't have to fake paralysis. Luke takes her to some bullshit Beauty and the Beast well-lit subterranean water chamber. You couldn't just dump her body in a dumpster somewhere? "Don't worry," Luke says, "it'll be quick." Yeah, a quick, slow-water rising drowning. Very humanitarian. Luke struggles with tears as he says, "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone. But I don't have a choice." Lois's eyes dart toward him. She looks Botox-scared. Luke turns a huge wheel right out of Half-Life 2, and water starts to rush into the chamber. He locks a cell door and trudges through the water. He knew about this

Back at Lois's dorm, which will soon be a target for the Office of Homeland Security, Chloe and Clark have indeed hacked in with just a cell phone and laptop. No wonder OnStar didn't want its name used in this episode. Chloe says they now just have to dial the service and imitate Luke. Chloe notes that Clark got that PIN pretty quickly, given that the dealership is on the other side of the city. "I hurried," Clark says. Chloe just smiles. Clark tells the "TripStar" rep that he took a wrong turn and is lost and his map screen his broken. He asks for the 411. A map screen showing "3rd & Grant" comes up. Clark hangs up abruptly and without a "Thank you." Asshat. Chloe puts her laptop away and says she'll drive. Clark whooshes out of there. Chloe turns around to find the room empty. Subtle, Clark. Very subtle.

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