Survivor

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admin: D | 1 USERS: A+
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RUSSELL IS THE GREATEST PLAYER IN SURVIVOR HISTORY

Back from the break, it's time to announce the stupid Player of the Season, as voted on by people who don't seem to understand when the editors are trying to tell them how to think and feel. Probst says the top two vote-getters were Rupert and Li'l Russell. OF COURSE. Thank you once again, America, for voting for two of my least favorite contestants in the history of this show. I mean, come on. And Li'l Russell wins $100,000 again. Is America stupid? What am I not seeing that explains why Li'l Russell is so popular? Probst already knows what Li'l Russell is going to say about this -- that it means that all of America thinks he's the greatest player blah blah blah. JAMES won this thing two seasons in a row, too, and he sucks. So, whatever. Probst turns to Jerri, and when he says her name, we hear cheers from the audience. That's quite a change from her last reunion show, when she was booed off the stage. Probst asks her if she's happy with how she played this time around. She's wearing WAY too much makeup, like, isn't makeup supposed to make you look better? But it makes her look older than she is. She says that she was happy to have the chance to come back, and I'm too distracted by the fact that all of her teeth are the same size to pay much attention. These dentists who give people big fake teeth need to be stopped. She looks like a cartoon character with teeth like that.

Probst talks to Danielle. The audience -- are they making horse sounds? That's not very nice. He asks her what happened at her last Tribal Council and why she broke down like that. Danielle is wearing, like, a sweater T-shirt and khakis. She couldn't dress up for this? She says that she felt a breakdown coming on after a very stressful day with Li'l Russell trying get her voted out, but she's a human being and she has emotions and she is not a villain. She says that, looking back on it now, she really thinks that if she had managed to keep it together, she wouldn't have been voted out and could have gone all the way to the end. But she didn't, so she has to move on. "Russell, damn you," she says. Probst asks Courtney if she had as much fun out there as she seemed, and if she had as much fun this season as her first one. He couldn't think of anything else to ask her? Really? She says she had "a lot of fun" and came out there planning to have as much fun as she could and enjoy it, and she did.

And then there's Randy, who never has fun. He shaved his head in preparation for the reunion show and looks scarier than ever. Probst asks him if he had fun this time. "No," Randy says. Probst then asks Sugar how she could go from making it to the end in her first season to being voted out first in her second. Sugar looks gorgeous, and says she didn't have fun because it rained so much and she didn't have a "decent alliance." She didn't have any alliance, did she? Before she can say something insane, Probst turns to Candice and says she postponed her wedding to be on this season, but she is now married. Hooray! Her last name is no longer "Woodcock."

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Survivor

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