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Bully For Lex!

Commercials. Frankie the cat is damned cute. And he deserves Iams.

Smallville Medical Center. If I wrote fanfic, this is where I'd set it. Lex and CuteLadyDoctor walk through a hallway. Apparently Lana is in serious, but stable condition. Her CAT scan was negative: yes it's true -- Lana has no pussy. CuteDoc says that a couple of days rest and Lana will be fine. By, like, next Thursday. Lex says that he'll be sure Lana gets rest. Clark, holding his red jacket and wearing a blue T-shirt, confronts Lex in the hall. "Where's Lana?" Clark demands. Dude. You're the ex-boyfriend. You need to call ahead first or not show up at all. Clark approaches the room door, saying that he wants to talk to her. Lex blocks the door. "You lost your visiting rights a while back, Clark," Lex tells him. Clark is completely stunned that he doesn't just get to go wherever he wants. Clark says he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Lex. "Since you've been with her she's got a funny habit of getting hurt." That is funny! Tersely, Lex asks how many times Lana ended up in the hospital when she was with Clark. I so completely lost count. Lex enters Room 257. Without Clark. Lex tells Clark to save himself a trip next time and just send flowers. Lex closes the door on Clark.

"Ouch," says a voice behind Clark. It's Lois Lane, telling Clark that what just happened was harsh. "It's not like he's wrong, though," Clark mutters. Clark whines that he's hurt Lana more than anybody and that she wouldn't be with Lex if it wasn't for him. Lois says Lana made that "questionable" decision on her own, and that Clark should stop beating himself up over it. "That's my job," Lois says. Looking all sneaky with the hands rubbing, Lois says her other job is sniffing out a good story. She suspects foul chandelier play. She fills Clark in on the two recent Excelsior alumni deaths. She thinks Lex was almost the third and that it had something to do with Duncan, but that Oliver won't tell her anything. Clark tells Lois she should get some distance from Oliver so she doesn't end up in the hospital like Lana. "Or...I could man-up and get to the bottom of this like a real reporter," Lois says, "preferably before the Grim Reaper drops something very heavy on my hot boyfriend." Lois walks off on that one. Clark is still trying to process the fourth word from her very long sentence.

Metropolis. House of Ollie. Oliver is closing his super-secret weapons chamber. Clark is there. Oliver asks him whether Lana is going to be all right. Clark thinks so, but he thinks Ollie is wrong about Lex being the one behind the attacks. Oliver concurs that Lex loves Lana too much to risk her life in throwing off suspicion. Clark says the attacks aren't random. Of course not. It's TV! Clark brings up Duncan. "It's not Duncan," Oliver says. Reason: "Because Lex and I killed him ten years ago." Oh, snap! Deadliness! Blackout-to-flashback.

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