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The Hardy Boys Go Off to See the Wizard

Under cover of night, the Metallicar drives back into Burkitsville. Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Shit For Brains trudging through the "apple" orchard talking about their once-again-broken-down car. They hear spooky noises and look around desperately until Buckethead comes striding at them with his hook unsheathed. They run...straight into Dean, who tells them to get back to the car, then shoots Buckethead three times in the chest, with unsatisfactory results. The three get to the car, but Buckethead hasn't followed them out to the road.

Commercials. Short Lip sleeps on a bed of bum loogies and rat droppings, a.k.a. the bus station floor, while Sam talks on the phone with -- Dean! The first thing we hear is Sam breathlessly asking, "The scarecrow climbed off its cross?" and Jared delivers the line perfectly: like an eleven-year-old girl finding out her best friend totally just frenched Neil! So we find that the cure for what, in my opinion, ails this show -- the monster exposition -- is solved quite readily by having the boys do it over the phone with one another. Suddenly, it's like listening to school cafeteria gossip, and I love it! Sam: "So something must be animating it. A spirit." Dean: "No, its more than a spirit. Its a god. A pagan god, anyway." Sam: "What makes you say that?" Dean: "The annual cycle of its killings and the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman, like some kind of fertility rite." You guys, this conversation is actually NOT making me want to simultaneously crack open a case of Miller Lite and snap a mousetrap onto each of my fingers! So they've deduced that the deal is probably a ritual sacrifice to appease a god. Dean is on the way to "a community college" to meet with a professor, and makes a crack about not having his "trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research." Sam responds by saying Dean can ask for his help if he wants. Oh, thanks, a lot, Mr. You Don't Know How I Feeeeeeel! Dean responds by sputtering and trying to apologize for the fight. Sam helps him out "Yeah, I'm sorry, too." Dean then tells Sam that it's okay for him to "do [his] own thing" and expresses admiration about Sam's ability to "stand up to Dad." He asks Sam to "say you'll take care of yourself." Sam says he will, and as Dean hangs up the phone, he's all tears, just like a real man. As Sam hangs up the phone, however, Short Lip peels herself out of the puddle of drunk vomit she was resting in, and asks who he was talking to. When Sam tells her it was his brother, she asks what he said. Sam says, simply, "Goodbye." But we ain't fooled, are we now?

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