Oz
See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Smell No Evil

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There is no spoon.

Instead, he finds Sister Pete. I'm not really sure how good she'll be at offering protection, but at least we can safely assume that kinky sex is off the menu. If naked Keller couldn't get her to renounce her vows, nothing can. Robson asks if she's ever felt like she was about to die, and Pete responds with a long story about a guy who attacked her before slitting his wrists with a tape dispenser. Oh, that's nice. Then Robson responds with a story of his own, about how he was beaten and molested by his father ever since he was six years old. And even though I can totally see right through the writers' blatantly transparent attempt to redeem an evil character just so they can inflict more suffering on him, it still brings a tiny little tear to my eye. What? I said "tiny." After all, I myself am balding, and I did once suffer the heartbreak of gingivitis, so there's already a built-in sympathy factor. Robson asks Sister Pete point-blank if he should die, or instead "do what it takes to survive." And even though there's no way in hell she wouldn't have immediately known what he was talking about (especially after dealing with Beecher, Winthrop, and Guenzel), Sister Pete blithely opines that he definitely shouldn't die. Taking that as her best advice, Robson thanks her and heads for the door.

Shirley and Augustus make one final appearance, to tell us that the worst thing that can happen is when all your senses are working overtime. Uh-oh. I sense something really disgusting is coming.

His nerves steeled by the presumed blessings of a nun with no sexual experience whatsoever, Robson returns to Cutler's cell wearing a tight-fitting wife-beater and a sexy, come-hither stare. Apropos of nothing, Cutler hands him a spoon and tells him to lick it until it shines even brighter than both of their bald heads. At this point, I actually thought to myself that there's no way they would go where I thought this might go. And yet they did. And it was really, really nasty. Cutler orders Robson to drop his pants and bend over, and then we fade to black over Robson's screams as the term "spooning" takes on a whole new connotation. The good news is that he only had to lick it beforehand. The bad news is that I busted out all my good spoon jokes in the recaplet and teaser headlines, so I'm forced to leave you with only this link, so that you can begin to imagine what Cutler and Robson's wedding might be like someday. Go ahead and click. It's even scarier than you're thinking.

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Oz

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