See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Smell No Evil

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
There is no spoon.

In the medical ward, Leo stops by to be briefed by Dr. Nathan. She explains that the solitary inmates are all suffering from methylene chloride poisoning, as a result of all the toxic chemicals used to rebuild Oz after the explosion. It's so bad that Martinez's liver is completely shot, although I'm betting it's more likely that that damage occurred while he was partying on Madonna's tour bus. Nathan wants to send Martinez to Benchley Memorial, but Leo refuses. He also orders her to keep the poisoning quiet, and to do her best to treat them there at the prison. Oh, Leo, Leo, Leo. You should know better than to try to stage a cover-up in the show's final season. I can see the dramatic irony of his becoming a prisoner after one of them dies coming from a mile away.

Later, Gloria is examining Martinez in a small office. They're interrupted by Dave Brass (a.k.a. the world's only prison guard with a multi-million dollar net worth), who barges in and officiously demands to take Martinez back to solitary. Dr. Nathan refuses to let him go, and leaves to call Leo so that he can override the order. Once they're alone, Brass sidles over to Martinez and begins to threaten him with all manner of nastiness unless he admits who hired Martinez to slice his tendon. Dude, is he still pissed off about that? Come on! You won the lottery, Dave. Let. It. Go. Besides, if you're gonna be upset about anything, it should really be that blood-shit-piss cocktail. If you absolutely have to hold a pointless grudge, it should at least be over something really, really disgusting. Losing out on the chance to be a low-rent Keith Van Horn wannabe sort of pales in comparison when you think about it. Gloria comes back before things can get too heated, and Brass is forced to leave empty-handed. He does, however, stop to suggest that Martinez and Dr. Nathan would make a cute couple, thereby dashing the hopes of millions of viewers who always assumed that Gloria and Ryan would find true love in the end.

And speaking of true love, Miss Sally is now on TV doing braless jumping jacks in a hard hat and a pair of Daisy Duke shorts. If I could figure out how to phonetically spell a wolf-whistle, I'd put one here. Busmalis must agree with me, because he's watching intently, looking as if he's just died and gone to heaven. Although, when you consider his age and the relative boredom and lethargy of his subplots, I suppose it's entirely possible that he actually has. Meanwhile, Morales wanders up to the guard station, where he asks Officer Murphy for permission to transfer his work assignment to the medical ward. He's not fooling anybody, though, as Murphy immediately reminds him that Martinez is in there, and there's no way he'll let Morales anywhere near the hospital until Martinez gives him up for ordering the attack on Brass. Back in his pod, Morales worries to Guerra that Martinez might finally crack and talk to the guards. Guerra, however, can't even be bothered to stop clipping his toenails for this conversation, so I'm certainly not going to bother recapping it.

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