See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Smell No Evil

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
There is no spoon.

Staff meeting. Leo introduces a fetching young blonde woman who looks suspiciously like a former boss of mine. The resemblance grows even more uncanny when it's revealed that she's planning on setting up a telemarketing shop right there in Oz. As someone who has spent the better part of the last ten years working in a call center, I can assure you that telemarketing from prison is not as farfetched as it might sound. In fact, we're located in one of the nicest office buildings in town, and yet we've still had employees arrested at their desks, employees whose multiple body piercings set off the building's metal detectors every morning, and even a girl who had to work the early shift every Friday because she had a second job as a stripper. It's not really an industry that attracts a very high class of personnel. Which probably explains what I'm doing there, but that's a different story. Officer Claire, however, is not thrilled even a bit by this idea, and she gets all snippy about it with Business Barbie. At first I thought this was just Claire being Claire, but it turns out that her brother works for a competing telemarketing firm (which isn't much of familial surprise. See above), and she's worried that the miniscule labor costs in Oz will put him out of business. Oh, whatever. Shut up, Claire. And while we're at it, shut up, Business Barbie. You're reminding me of that PowerPoint presentation I have due next week.

Over in Em City, Said and Redding are trying to convince McManus that they should be given control over the telemarketing operations. Redding even manages to work the word "proactive" into his pitch, which prompts McManus to wonder if Said has been coaching him. Whether he did or not, it seems to have worked, because we next see Said and Crackhead Cosby meeting with Business Barbie in an office somewhere. Because you can't stop The Glare (you can only hope to contain it), Said starts things off by bitching about the fact that prisoners are paid less than minimum wage. He equates this to slavery, but Business Barbie makes a pretty good point by saying that only honest people deserve an honest wage. Plus she can't afford to hire two foremen when there's only enough money in the budget for one. "Sadly, the thing about business at its core is that it is always just business," glowers Said. Then he adds, "So hell no, we won't go! Down with capitalism, up with love! Pudding pops are the opiate of the masses!" He storms out of the room after declaring that the Muslims won't participate, and this gives Redding the perfect opportunity to win brownie points by offering to work for free until Business Barbie meets her profit goals. You know, nobody likes a kiss-ass, Burr.

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