Episode Report Card
admin: B | 20 USERS: A-
Ending where it all began

Kaylee asks Simon about being a doctor. He backgrounds that he's a trauma surgeon on Osiris in Capital City. Mal points out that Simon's a long way from home. Kaylee points out that Simon's awfully young (and pretty) to be a doctor. Simon shyly points back that Kaylee's a bit young (and pretty) to be a mechanic. She exposits the stuff that we already know from "Out of Gas" about having a natural skill with machines. Then she blathers on some more about how important doctors are until Jayne snarks, "Little Kaylee here just wishes you was a gynecologist." He laughs at his own joke. Kaylee couldn't look more mortified if she had pooed herself. Mal orders Jayne to keep a civil tongue in his mouth, or he'll sew it up. Jayne responds, "You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets all lubed up because big city dandy --" Mal interrupts Jayne and orders him to leave the table. Uh oh. Daddy's pissed. They stare at each other. Finally, Jayne's butch bottom nature kicks in, and he grabs a bunch of food and leaves the table. Quit being such a brat or Daddy'll take off his belt, and you don't want that. Or do you? After Jayne leaves, Simon asks what Jayne does. Mal says, "Public relations."

Gratuitous female nudity alert! A welcome relief for those of you tired of my Simon/Jayne/Mal gay sex triangle jokes. Inara is naked down to her waist, giving herself a sponge bath. The camera lingers on her naked back and arms and stuff. She sits artfully, her ass crack concealed by a dress or robe. There is absolutely no point to this. There's no client there. Is she practicing her seductive bathing techniques? Well, I shouldn't complain. There wasn't any point to Jayne's shirtless scene in "Jaynestown" or Simon's in "Objects in Space," but I certainly didn't mind. Hooray for skin! There's a knock on the shuttle door, and she invites the visitor in. It's Book, who looks a bit surprised to see Inara's boobies. He quickly turns his head and starts to apologize for intruding, but Inara says she was expecting him. And that's why she's topless? I guess she wants to shove her work in Book's face as much as she's expecting to shove his in hers. She thinks Book is there to lecture her on the wickedness of her ways. Actually, he brought her dinner, but he does offer a bunch of vague lectures about hellfire and stuff. This guy is probably the worst preacher in the entire universe. I hope he has (or should I say "had"?) a secret past, because otherwise he's just sad. Book says that Mal suggested that bring her some food. They blather on about how Mal doesn't have much respect for either of their callings. Book finds it odd that Mal is so cynical, yet so protective of his crew. And you got that from what? Him getting mad at Jayne for mocking Kaylee? Anyway, Book finds Mal to be somewhat of a mystery. Inara's intrigued by him for that very reason.

And now, the vaunted space toilet scene. Mal uses a space toilet. Oh, you sci-fi pioneers, you. See, other sci-fi shows don't have toilets because the shows aren't "realistic." It's not because they prefer their plots to take place on sets that are actually relevant to the story instead of wasting their time on scenes that don't advance either action or character development. We cut in just after Mal zips up from peeing, and thank god, because I've already addressed spit fetishists in a previous episode and I really don't want to get into water sports. The toilet flips up backwards neatly into the wall when he's done, and a sink pulls out above it. All space brigands with elastic, ambiguous morals must wash hands before leaving the restroom. When he's done, Wash calls him up to the bridge.

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