Shelayna & Milena

Episode Report Card
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Is That A Beer In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Back to Milena and her ill-fitting, saggy-breasted, garish wardrobe. Her sister Annetta is flying in, but no one is at the airport to meet her, since Milena is waiting for her father to bring his car back. She launches into an expletive-laden tirade against the babysitter who needs a ride and doesn't have her own car, but one can't help but notice that Miss Manners doesn't have her own car either, hence the fact that she needs her dad to get back with his car. When he arrives, he kisses her despite her ranting about running someone over with the car. She claims that she could get away with anything right now due to temporary insanity. Yeah, but "full-time hose-beast" isn't protected by law, chickie. She seems genuinely happy to see her sister (who really needs a longer hoodie -- that's quite an expanse of stomach), but the good nature lasts about 1.2 seconds before she's on a rant about their mother. She needs Annetta to handle their mother, who apparently is calling guests who have not yet replied to find out if they will be attending the wedding. Somehow, she's blaming her mother for the people not replying to the invite, and then uses that moment to lay into her sister for not sending in her own response. Annetta just laughs it off and tells her she's having the fish.

Back to Shelayna and Bart, by way of a black and white recap of their previous scene. This is just getting pathetic. She tells him to pack the dresses into boxes, but he doesn't want to since he knows he'll mess it up. Sure enough, when he addresses one of them, she freaks out at his kindergarten handwriting and takes the project back over. She's clearly not that upset since they start fooling around with her tiara. He puts it on her head and she declares herself a princess, and he amends it to an "evil princess." They're winning me over, it's true. Like this, unguarded, they're really cute together. He then puts on the tiara and makes fun of his own bad haircut. Suddenly she's back in the tiara and he's in a crown -- they kiss and bicker. Mindy, though, jumps in to change the tone: "Then, in a startling role reversal, it's Bart's turn to play mean mommy." He wants to know what she paid for the bouquet she used in the engagement photos. She tries to avoid answering by saying her mom paid for it, which both Bart and I don't entirely believe, but she eventually caves to say they were $65. Despite his threat that he'll be pissed if they're over $100, he's still flabbergasted and tells her that they're keeping them on display for the next 65 days to get their money's worth. "I could have bought a handful of lap dances with that." I've got nothing to possibly add to a brilliant comeback like that.

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