Shelayna & Milena

Episode Report Card
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Is That A Beer In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

The Miami setting is re-established with some artful b-roll of traffic construction signs. It is now five days away from Milena's wedding and she is working on the menu. Her method is different than one most would have picked -- she heads out to personally confront those who haven't yet replied. She's actually nicer than you'd expect when talking to someone that looks like a friend of a parent or an older family member, but still sweetly whines that she needs to know if the woman is attending and what she wants to eat. She is, and she'll eat anything. "Don't say anything, I don't know how to make that." Mark it down -- that's the only time I'll ever be amused by Milena. She says that the unfinished guest list is going to have a problem since they're going to have security. What?? You're not in the Russian mafia, though you obviously fancy yourself a princess, darling.

The day before Shelayna's wedding, she's driving to a vacation house she's rented for the occasion, and then from there she'll head to the rehearsal. Again, she's got barely any makeup on and looks great, even though she's completely frazzled. She's looking for Bart, but in the next scene, with absolutely no transition, he's in the car and they're bickering in the driveway to the house. They snipe back and forth at one another, and she apologizes when it turns out that Bart had no idea what she was asking him to do. She's late for her own rehearsal, mad at her cell phone for not working, and yelling at Bart not to scratch the floor or wear sweats to the rehearsal. The straw that breaks the camel's back, however, is when she sees mud on the carpet. At this we see the much-used clip of her kicking the dresser and yelling, "Dammit, I cannot take this!" then throwing herself on the bed. What we haven't yet seen, though, is her bursting into tears when she's lying down. She's less angry and more having a nervous breakdown. When Bart comes in to check on her she freaks out about the mud and cries as a piano forlornly plinks on the soundtrack. She says to the crew, more pathetic than angry, "I think I've had enough cameras for today."

Mindy, ever one to react appropriately to various emotional outbursts, narrates, "Moments later, Bart takes his life in his hands by checking on his frazzled fiancée." A producer seems to go in the room behind him, where Shelayna is with Leticia. Shelayna yells at Bart to shut up and cries about how tired she is when Bart gets to her and wraps her in a hug. He asks if he should leave but she's calming down with him there and asks for some Kleenex, which he bounds off to get like an excited puppy. They then leave in the car to head to the rehearsal when her phone rings, presumably because they are late, and she yells at Bart not to answer it. "They can fucking wait." At this point she's clearly just acting like an overtired child who needs to be put to bed. Part of me wants to say something mean, but the rest of me knows I've done the same thing.

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