She’s Ruining Everything

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
Beer Bad, Blood Badder

Park Ave.: As Bridget arrives home, she gets a text from Malcolm -- "Ready to go?" She texts back: "Gotta make sure a problem stays hidden." Just then, Miss Juliet comes bopping out in high heels, black skinny jeans, a white tank, and some sort of foofy black vest. Her bra trim, is of course, spilling out of the top of her tank, along with her breasts. Bridget: "You look like you're going to be...cold." Revel in the wardrobe judgment from our ex-stripper, people. It's fun. Juliet's all: "Save it." Bridget suggests that going out might not be the best idea and says she knows where she's headed and it's not pretty. Juliet says, "What the hell do you know?" Bridget: "A lot more than you think. I used to know a girl who partied a little too much. She did it because she felt alone and it sucked, but no one told her that she didn't have to feel that way. I don't want that for you. I know you don't care about me, but you might want to at least consider your dad in all this. He really loves you." Juliet's expression softens for a moment, but then she puts back up the walls and bitches, "You're hilarious, Siobhan. For a second it almost seemed like you gave a crap."

Loft: OMG, Buffy has plastic dream hair. She's wearing this much-blonder-than-her-own-blonde blonde pony tail fall. In the recaplet I called it I-Dream-of-Jeannie-esque, but the people in the show thread have compared it to Madonna's Blond-Ambition-hair, and that's probably more apt. Her dress, I still maintain is straight out of Dynasty, and I love the entire one-sleeved, asymmetrical-hem, Roman-ish collared thing. It's made of more cheese than the moon! EEP comes over to greet her, is surprised she has stage fright and reminds her how to make small talk at these shindigs, which is a great primer for Bridget. What's not a great primer for our recovering alcoholic though is the glass of champagne EEP handles her. It seems she shrugs that off though, as we never do see her drink. She follows his talking points, correctly guessing that one of her guests got her great tan on St. Bart's. Then there's a funny moment where another guest says she used Shiv's dermatologist, "But my Botox doesn't look as natural as yours." It's all in SMG's expression. She starts to rumple her nose, stops and then just touches her fingers to her face.

It's then that she sees a portly guest sit down on Dead Guy's Steamer Trunk, and yes, Dead Guy probably should be stinking up the joint by now, but let's not think about that. It's too yucky. Let's think about SMG's outfit and pony tail again. There. Isn't that better? Bridget makes her way to Mr. Big and hails a waiter to bring a chair for him even as she apologizes to Mr. Big while making it clear he cannot sit his fat ass on the trunk. "That's an antique... No, I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll be much more comfortable."

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