Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Trip's Brain

Enterprise needs a gingivectomy.

Quantum logs that it's been seven days and Mozzarella Boy, now Mozzarella Teen, has practically become a member of the crew. Mozzarella Teen struts through corridors, nodding at people. He sort of looks like a blurred vision of Wayne, Kevin's obnoxious older brother on The Wonder Years. Do you think they have Clearasil at Ye Olde Generally Spacey Store? Quantum logs that he assigned Mozzarella Teen to assist T'Pol. Because helping a buxom Vulcan is exactly what will keep an adolescent's mind on his work. Mozzarella Teen updates T'Pol on his progress and then asks if she's going to see A Night at the Opera at movie night. T'Pol highly doubts it. Mozzarella Boy asks her out to dinner. Okay, gross. He's like fifteen and she's like seven hundred! I think even Mary Kay Letourneau would balk at that. T'Pol turns him down flat. Do you think they put out a specific casting call, "Male part needed for a guy whose voice is on the verge of changing"? Because confidentially, I don't think Mozzarella Teen could be a choirboy any more. Mozzarella Boy thinks that T'Pol doesn't "want to do anything with [him]" because he's different. No, it's because you have zits and she saw you in a tank full of goo. It doesn't exactly put one in the mood for romance. Mozzarella Teen acknowledges that he knows it's weird since he was wearing diapers five days ago. Hon? A tip: Don't air your dirty Pampers when you are trying get a date. T'Pol tells him they need to concentrate on the engine until the "current situation is resolved." Is she talking about the Plaque Attaque or Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Tripeleon? Mozzarella Teen says he probably won't be around after the current situation is resolved. He's really not good with accentuating the positive, is he? Luckily, Quantum calls T'Pol to his Ready Room.

Ready Room. T'Pol reports that the engine will be ready in a few weeks, but Quantum tells her that won't be soon enough. The party barf is interfering with the ship's systems in a majorly magnetic way, and in a few days every system on the ship will be offline. Quantum adds, "If we don't make it out of here by then [EXTREME CLOSE-UP], we never will." The music literally goes, "Duh, duh, DUH!" Not "Dun, dun, DUUUN!" Just "Duh, duh, DUH!" All the same chord, just increased volume. It was very eighties. I kind of liked it.

Mess Hall. Mozzarella Teen has become (thank god!) Mozzarella Trip. Sad, I didn't get to use "Mozzarella Man." Reed walks in.

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