Smoking Out The Snake

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 4 USERS: C
Snake and Rat Redux

More shots of adorable kids. A shot of two appealing nose-to-nose donkeys. A close-up of a grinning child whose cuteness is diminished by the insect crawling on his face. As Lex Loser and Ethan head off to spend their money, Lex Loser tells us they were "clearly a couple of things to see in that village." He and his giant ego surely do not mind the "constant entourage" he says followed them around staring at them. He tells us that a villager "obviously that's in the know" claimed he would take them to the best place in town -- a restaurant. It would have been funny if it was a brothel, though. Lex tells us that they asked for a menu, but that the restaurant didn't have one. Instead, the proprietor listed three meal choices: maize, meat, and french fries. Lex Loser tells us that he and Ethan didn't want anything to do with the maize because "that's the mush we're eatin' here," and they didn't feel "super-safe" with the meat because they "saw a lot of cats kind of milling around and "weren't quite sure what that meant." ["Plus Ethan is a vegetarian, though Lex Loser is probably too self-involved to know that or care about it." -- Wing Chun] They agree that french fries sound perfect. The "restaurant" is under a tent, and Ethan and Lex Loser sit at one solitary blue picnic table. I have trouble accepting that this is an authentic restaurant and not something orchestrated by Just Peachy to look like an authentic restaurant -- like when Kelly from the first Survivor won the trip to the fake island bar. Ethan tells us that he ordered a soda, and that it was "cold and it was crisp." He and Lex Loser toast each other, and Lex Loser thanks Ethan for choosing him. Ethan looks like he's got Bob Dole-arm here. Children stare at them as they wait for their food.

When the food arrives, the french fries look more like home fries, and I'd be disappointed because I like french fries but I can take or leave home fries. I LURVE McDonald's hash browns, though. Whatever it is, it's a whole lot of potatoes. Ethan comments that they're the best french fries he's had in his life. In a confessional, Lex Loser tells us that the platter was huge and that it was "swimming in about an eighth of an inch of, like, grease or oil, which was perfect." He says he's been deprived of lard, grease, and fat for a month, so the meal was like "ambrosia." Back at the table, Ethan starts retching and heaving. He suddenly runs off to a little shack, and we see a shot of a small, rectangular hole in the ground as he dashes through the door. In a confessional he tells us that the food was a shock to his system because his stomach had shrunk. He doesn't regret having eaten the food, but says it went right through him. Of the latrine, he says, "It's like solitary confinement. I wouldn't wanna go there again, that's for sure." He adds, "You hadda do it, you know. You can't not do it." We see a relieved-looking Ethan emerge from the latrine while five kids stand, like, two feet away, watching him. He returns to the table and resumes eating. Meanwhile, Lex Loser has polished off his entire plate and appears to be having no digestive issues at all. In a confessional, he tells us that his stomach hasn't felt full in a long time, and that he felt great.

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