Ed
Something Old, Something New

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Gobble, Gobble, We Accept You, We Accept You, One Of Us

No recap this week to open the show. If you haven't been watching Ed, you're bound to be lost because the recap is kaput, mein freund. You'd better switch over to The Simpsons now...because you're going to be as lost as a three-year-old in the great outdoors if you try to latch onto this puppy now.

Ed and Mike are tooling around the grocery store. Ed's acting like a little kid after polishing off a one-pound bag of M&Ms. The guy is positively giddy as he rides on the back of the cart. Ed is telling Mike that he loves everything about Thanksgiving, but mostly he loves the traditions. Thanksgiving is full of traditions. I know what he means, because over at the Pitt Palace our biggest Thanksgiving tradition is duct-taping Granny to an army cot, hiding raw beef in her panties, and letting the dogs sniff her. Mike asks Ed if he's going to be okay during Thanksgiving...what with his recent divorce and all. Ed insists he'll be fine. Mike pats himself on the back for setting up a preemptive emotional strike by bringing up Ed's ex-wife Liz. In Mike's eyes, Ed can no longer get depressed, because Mike brought her up first. Ed congratulates Mike on being a shrewd master of the human psyche. They gravitate toward the Meat aisle, where this week's $10 bet takes place. Mike bets Ed $10 that he won't walk up to the grocery store's manager and ask where the lettuce is. Ed asks if that's it. Of course it isn't...this is Ed's world...nothing is ever as easy as that. He asks to pronounce lettuce "let-tooce." Ed walks over to the manager and asks where they keep the let-tooce in the store. The manager looks at Ed like he's nuts. Ed says, "You know...like what they use in salads." The manager says, "You mean lettuce?" Ed says yes. The manager says "What kinda jackass calls it 'let-tooce'?"

The answer creeps up in the opening credits..."Ed."

Breakfast at Mike and Nancy's. Ed comes bounding into the room, crowing about how Thanksgiving is only five days away...or, as he likes to call it, "Turkey Day." Nancy asks Ed if he's depressed, this being the first major holiday that he was divorced if you don't count Halloween. Ed swears he's not depressed; in fact, he's going to Sarasota to visit his parents. Mike asks if there's anything they can do, and Ed says yes, I'd like to sleep with Nancy just once. Mike says he'd like to sleep with Nancy just once. Nancy asks them to please quit making jokes about the lack of sex in their relationship. Methinks Nancy has a tattoo on her ass that says "Frigidaire."

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Ed

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