Ed
Something Old, Something New

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admin: D | Grade It Now!
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Gobble, Gobble, We Accept You, We Accept You, One Of Us

After about twelve seconds of deliberation, the jury finds for...THE DEFENDANT! ED LOSES!! ED LOSES!! ED LOSES!! Never in the history of Ed has Ed blatantly lost a case. He's had some dissolve before getting to court, but NEVER anything like this. I've got to admit...my heart was racing a mile a minute over the outcome of this gripping tale.

In the kitchen at the bowling alley, Carol is busy preparing for the Thanksgiving feast. Ed walks in and begins packing everything up, quoting the man who just kicked his judicial ass by saying, "Not all traditions are meant to last." Rather, the Edward J. Stevens First Annual Thanksgiving Dinner will be breaking ALL traditions and building new ones instead. Carol thinks he's gone off the deep end, but Ed is hell-bent on making the Edward J. Stevens First Annual Thanksgiving Dinner a unique dining experience for everyone. As Ed walks out of the kitchen, Kenny walks in and warns Carol that she's about in for the ride of her life with this new revelation. Describing Ed, Kenny says solemnly, "There goes one inspirational bastard." My sentiments exactly.

Thanksgiving morning. Dozens of people are lined up outside the Stuckey Bowl waiting patiently for their Fine Corinthian Turkeys. Phil, looking like he's breaking out of a long meditation, says quietly, "Let them come". Shirley opens the door, and the turkey buyers begin filing in through the lobby. Phil pulls out a wooden box and removes the lid to show off the Fine Corinthian Turkey inside, making a big melodramatic production out of it. The man asks how much it is. Without hesitation, Phil replies, "Three hundred dollars." The man says, "What?!?" and Phil says, "What'd you think I said? $300?? Noooo...it's $83." The man says he can get the same turkey from the store for $15. Phil, feeling the economic crunch deep in his wallet, says, "$29.99 and that's my final offer." The man walks away, and the next guy laughs in Phil's face. Phil finally concedes and says, "$18," and the people agree to pay $18 for the Fine Corinthian Turkeys. Kenny walks over to Phil and hisses that Phil's gone crazy...those turkeys cost them $17 apiece. Phil's eyes meet Kenny's, and Kenny finally gets it, adding that Phil is crazy like a fox.

Back at Nancy and Mike's, Mike and Nancy's dad are just sitting there. Finally, Dad says, "That Internet is sure something." Mike is ecstatic that the man finally started a conversation. Mike beams as he kisses the man's ass with comments like, "Yes it is, Chester! It's something all right! You sure know how to start a conversation!" Nancy's dad stares at him and finally says, "What's wrong with you?" I'll tell ya, Pops...your daughter hasn't been giving up the ol' bootzilla as much as Mikey would likey, and I think it's driven the guy a bit batty. I'm no expert; this is just my opinion.

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Ed

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