Star Trek
Star Trek, The Original Series: “Spock’s Brain”

Episode Report Card
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YOU GRADE IT
A No-Brainer
Credits. The bridge is still knocked out. Kirk is halfway off his chair. The lights come back on again and immediately everyone wakes up. Confusion. Kirk can't find Spock. Bones comms in a panic that he better get his girdled ass down to Sickbay pronto. Sickbay. Spock is lying on an examination bed with a gold lamé washcloth over his forehead. Bones and Nurse Chapel check him out. He seems to be alive. Kirk arrives with Scotty and asks what happened. Bones says he found him on the table. "Like this?" Kirk asks. "No, not like this," Bones says. Well, then like how? Bones doesn't know what happened, and Kirk realizes that he's got Spock on full life-support. "Was he dead?" Kirk demands. "He was worse than dead," Bones says. BOOM! "What do you mean?" Kirk asks. BOOM! "Jim --" Bones starts. BOOM! "His brain is gone!" he finishes. Kirk starts to repeat Bones, but is all, "His who in the what is gone?" Bones tells him the brain was removed surgically, and Spock is only surviving because "every nerve ending of the brain must've been neatly sealed. Nothing ripped, nothing torn -- it's a medical miracle." That doesn't explain how he could survive. No brain means no control over any bodily function. Heart stops, blood stops, life stops. Kirk says that Spock must be dying. Bones contradicts him, "No, that incredible Vulcan physique hung on until the life support cycle took over. His body lives." Oh, god, it does not -- no matter how nice of a body it is! Bones says that the autonomic functions continue. "But there IS NO MIND!" Bones adds. TWAY-AY-AYNG! Reaction shots from everyone. Kirk realizes that the Hot Chick took Spock's brain. He doesn't know why or where, but he knows she must've taken it. If she had taken Kirk's brain, would anyone have noticed? Bones can't give any guarantees as to how long he can keep Spock going. "That'snotgoodenoughDOCTOR!" Kirk snaps. Bones admits that if Spock were human, he could keep him alive indefinitely, but his pesky Vulcan soft parts limits what he can do: "Spock's body is much more dependent on that tremendous BRAIN for life support." How is that different from us? Are they trying to tell us that if a human brain was removed in the Star Trek century, we'd survive? Maybe I wasn't kidding earlier -- maybe Kirk's brain really IS gone! It would explain a lot: The Album, the wanderlusting hairline, the Esperanto movie...I could keep going, but I do have a recap to finish. Kirk says they'll have to take him with them. Bones wonders where they're going. "In search of his BRAIN, doctor!" Kirk says. Okay, that's it -- I see I'm going to have to have a rating system for the worst or most laughable line on this show. Here's the scale:

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Star Trek

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