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Leaving your mark

But Jack's got better things to do than single-handedly boost Thailand's economy; he's got a kite to fly. Except the genius doctor can't seem to figure out how to put it together. He struggles in vain to put the various sticks in the right places, until he hears someone giggling at him down the beach. He looks up, and some woman, played by Bai Ling, is laughing at him. Jack chuckles at himself, so it's fortunate for her he's in a good mood today, and she comes over and without a word, expertly puts the kite together. Also, she shows off her boobs.

They get the kite together, and Bai Ling holds it up while Jack unwinds the string, and then we're subjected to an eternity of whimsical kite-flying, with Bai Ling touching Jack's arm and then trying to hog the damn kite all to herself, and it looks all the world like some kind of public service announcement warning horny travelers to always make sure to use protection when they're overseas.

Jack thanks her for helping him. "You're not from around here, are you," she says, in heavily accented English. Check out the big brain on Bai Ling! They introduce themselves; Bai Ling's name is "Achara," which -- and this is true -- is Thai for "the clap."

Back on Alcatraz, Jack's been stuck in Sawyer's old cell. Dude! Right over there is where Kate and Sawyer had sex! Tom approaches with a cheese sandwich on a paper plate that he has to fold in half like a cardboard calzone to slip between the bars to Jack, who -- get this -- whines that Juliet used to grill those for him. Tom doesn't say anything, but kind of looks chastened, instead of pointing out that Jack's not exactly the client of a luxury hotel here. I'd like to Jack whine like that to Danny, god rest his angry, violent soul.

But Jack's got more questions: who was that woman down there? "That'd be the sheriff," says Tom. Jack's all, "You have a sheriff?" and Tom says, "Not literally," and I hate to tell Tom that a sheriff is someone who keeps the peace, and doesn't necessarily have to strut down the main street of a dusty western town with a gold star and a pair of six-shooters. Never mind that, though. "Why are you moving Juliet into my room?" says Jack. "My room"? He says that like a kid who has to give up his bedroom to make way for a nursery. Anyway, Tom says, like it's self-evident, "'Cause she's in trouble, Jack." Jack doesn't ask why, probably figuring that it's got something to do with him. He's so vain. I bet he thinks this recap's about him. Don't you?

Anyway, Tom tells Jack not to do anything stupid. Yeah, and later he should shut the barn door, because the horse got out. Jack just laughs and points out that he knows there's a camera watching him. After reminiscing about the time Jack got into the surveillance room, Tom asks him how he feels about risking his neck to spring Kate and Sawyer, "and they run away and don't ever look back." Jack just thanks him for the sandwich.

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